Keep Moving Forward...

...and I'd Like to Welcome 2012 to the Game

2012-01-09T12:33:00.003-07:00

You know, I've done this my whole life. Written furiously for months and months at a time, hands cramping while I wrote out in BIG! CURLY! LETTERS! about how cute Tass was when he talked or how angry I was at Lisa for telling her parents it was my fault we were late coming home from the church dance when we all know it was because she wanted to drive by a certain boy's (or two's) house just to see if we could catch a glimpse of him in his bedroom, you know, doing boy stuff like putting his hats on a shelf. Or throwing a ball repeatedly at the wall for no reason at all. (all true. Boys are so boring, by the way)

I have journals that go back to the time when I was 7 years old. There's a book my parents got me for Christmas that year written by Dr. Seuss called My Book About Me. It was page after page of details about me. What color my eyes were. What my nose looked like. What kind of house I lived in. Did I live in the city? An apartment? A house? The answers were very simple, I was 7. My eyes were "blue!" (I even liked to abuse punctuation then, surprised?) My hair was "yellow!" I lived in a "house!" But the best was the one that left a blank spot for a number. For example, the question read "It is _____ steps from my bedroom door to the kitchen"/"It is _____ steps from my front door to my mailbox". You see the point right? Well, because my parents are cool, they knew that whatever I'd fill in was who I was. My 7 year old understanding of the question wasn't something numerical, no. It was a question to me that I had to visualize, and when I visualized it, I saw my feet. So that's what I put. I remember thinking "what other dang kind of steps would there be? This is the worst page ever" I'd filled in each blank with a huge, dark red word:

FOOT!!!!!!

"It is FOOT!!!!!! steps from my front door to my mailbox"

"It is FOOT!!!!!! steps from my bedroom door to the kitchen"

You have no idea how hard I laugh at that page now. That simple book is so precious to me because it perfectly illustrates who I was, how I felt then. And it's proof that I've been who I am since the second I was born. Not much about me has changed, at all.

You know, I have journals from my especially early youth. I have journals from my pre-teen years. I have journals from my teenage years and from Challenger. I have journals from my early marriage to J, from my middle years to J, from the end of my marriage to J. I have journals from the sweet time when I met and married Michael. And then I have my blog. I've had many over the years but really, the one that is "me" is this one. It's changed names and url's a few times but this is basically who I am, take it or leave it.

Sometimes I'll proclaim that this is it! I'm going to blog again and then life gets the better of me. Sometimes I'll blog and save it, never to publish it. One thing you can know about me. When I blog, I'm real. I don't pretend to be something I'm not. I'm who I am 100% of the time.

The last 6-7 years have been ones of pure discovery. I think that's what happens when you turn 30. I see it all the time with friends. I know that I've been on a quest to find out who I am. I have been so weary pretending to be something I'm not. I've found friends and family who know me, who've KNOWN who I really was. My health has deteriorated those times when I pretend to be something I'm not. I can literally look back at my journals and my blogs and there you see it, the sickest times of my life and say "oh yes. I see the pattern."

I'm a mother of adult children. I have looked at my oldest daughter and her choices and while we have helped her make some of the biggest decisions she's made, I would never want her to be anything she's not. If she wants to run off to Bali to discover who she is by volunteering at an orphanage, I'm right there with her. I've taught her all I can. I feel that way about all of my children. And I want them to be 38 year old adults who are not sick because they've hidden who they are. I want them all to be happy.

This year is the year of strength, the year of being me, the year of loving me. 2012 is the year of LIVING.

October Can't Get Here Fast Enough

2011-09-30T12:49:00.002-06:00

I think the thing I like the least about motherhood is having sick kids. Especially when they have the stomach flu. Lola's barely 18 months old and she can't exactly communicate, so for the last 2 days we've been playing a little game of "What's Wrong With Lola". The poor girl has been attached to my body, crying to be held literally day and night. Once last night she let Mike pick her up and as soon as she looked back around and saw that she wasn't with me (even though she's the one who reached out to him) she started sobbing and diving toward me.

It seems like September does this to my family. When the weather changes, we all get sick. We had the healthiest summer, allergies were our only ailment. I was feeling blessed, so fortunate and then I tore the August page out of my calendar and the word "SEPTEMBER" in big bold black letters hit me square in the face. I love September for many reasons. It signals the end of a super hot summer, one in which it was too hot to take my new little Oskar out in for very long. September means the leaves will be changing colors. September means the kids are back in school. September means 3 holidays in the next 3 months are coming up! I truly love September except for the dang sickness we all get.

I don't know if there's something to it, like if it's a real thing or if we're alone in this. Does this happen to your family too? I also find that I am more worried, more depressed, more sad in September. Sometimes for no good reason at all. I'll lay in bed and tell myself "Why are you so sad?" Then I'll list all the things I have in my head, all the gifts I have, and then it always ends with me rolling over to my sweet sleeping husband and I'll put my arms around him and curl up to his back and he always, and I mean ALWAYS, will pull my arms around tighter and make a little "hmmm" sound, and it lets me know he's happy with "us".

Fall means baking in my house. I'm trying to be good, trying not to eat garbage but really, how can I resist making cookies, or apple pies, or pumpkin bars? Fall means General Conference for us LDS folks (and for everyone else in the world too! It's free! Tune in here!) and I look forward to the Fall session the most. We have conference twice a year, once in April, once in October of every year. I love the spring one because the winter's almost over and there are flowers surrounding the conference center and the camera men always show a wide shot of all the gardens. But I think I like the one in the fall the best. We stay in our jammies all day on Saturday, doing our cleaning duties at our leisure. We make a big breakfast both on Saturday and on Sunday and I burn candles that smell like cinnamon or pumpkin bread. The kids seem to get along better and the ones who will watch with us will usually snuggle up to us on the couch or wherever we are. Most of the time we'll all end up taking short naps, but that's part of the charm. Thankfully, if we miss a talk, we can always watch it again on the DVR, and then it's also published online in a text version the week after it's broadcast.

This last week, Mike and I decided to make a big move in our marriage. It's something that's very personal to us and it's actually a "re-attempt" at something we tried to do the winter of 2008. We were going to try again the winter of 2009 but there were some things that we felt we needed to wait for. This week we made a move toward that goal again. I'm nervous and I don't want to get my hopes up this time but I'm excited that Mike's finally ready to try again. We only had Harper last time, and this time we've got Lola and Oskar as well. It's time..it's time to try once more. Hopefully by the time we know if it's a yes or a no, the world around us will look like this...

We made it through September and all I can say is "Hey October...bring it on!"

P.S., the thing that Mike and I are trying to do has nothing to do with having a baby. Just to clarify. ;)

Hi, I'm Allison and I'm Addicted to Guilt

2011-09-27T06:30:00.000-06:00

"Sisters, wherever you are, whatever the circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you, with an infinite love."

President Uchtdorf quoted this at the Women's Broadcast last week and can I tell you, it couldn't have come at a better time? I missed it because of my health, but I read as much as I could as soon as I could about it. It was truly inspired.

It seems like life truly does follow that old cliché of the "roller coaster" description. Two Sundays ago, the day was so full of answers. Peace and serenity wrapped around me and I had the energy to have another go at one more week. Monday came and I had great intentions. Then a car breaks. And then a client bounces a check to me. I begin to panic and I drop to my knees in prayer. Tuesday we got news of a bill we have to pay immediately because the kids' dad won't pay for it. Wednesday I spent most of the day in prayer. About my health, about my finances, about the kids, about friends who are in desperate need of help of their own. I cried way too many tears to count. It felt good and I slept like a baby that night. Thursday we got great news from our accountant about our taxes and we consider many prayers answered! Friday we find out all that tax money will be spent fixing said bills and cars above, leaving none for the things our kids still need, like school clothes. Saturday dragged along and by the time Sunday came back around I was practically crawling to church, but I got there and I was uplifted again.

There's something to say for struggling in life. I'm not a fan of it but it seems to be how it works. For a really long time, (and I do mean a really really long time)I thought that the reasons for our struggles in life had to do with our obedience to God's commandments. I know there are blessings from being obedient, but that's not exactly what I mean. Let me try to explain a bit better.

For example, when I was first married in 1993 to my ex-husband, money was tight as is the norm in young marriages, and I would pinch every penny we had to pay our bills. I made sure my 2 young girls had clothes and food and I was careful to save a bit of money on the side for things that our counselor said to save for like "date night" or whatever. Anyway, I called my dad and told him once that I was just at my wits end, that I'd been stressing all night because I didn't know how we were going to pay the astronomical power bill (thanks Nevada Power) that month to keep our lights on. First thing he asked me? Are you paying your tithing? Are you being obedient? OF COURSE WE WERE. I took offense to this but because I was 20, because it was my dad, and it stuck in my brain that we were being punished because I wasn't being obedient enough somehow. Maybe I had a mean thought about the neighbor who kept their music on til 4 am while I had sleeping babies above him. Maybe I'd cut someone off on the road and didn't know it. Either way, I developed a guilt over it. Whenever I would struggle, I would immediately turn to myself and think "I'm doing something bad that is causing my children to suffer." Enter the guilt cycle...

It's taken me many many years to figure out that this wasn't how it worked. We struggle because that's "life", that's how we grow. I mean, look at Job! Look at the life of the Savior! We struggle because life is inconsistent, life is up and downs, life is peace, and strife, and pain, and death, and joy, and tragedy, and unfairness, and miracles and on and on and on.

I am constantly reminded of others in my close circle of friends who have struggles FAR worse than I can even imagine. I look at their strength in awe. I thank God every day that I'm not in their shoes while also begging Him to relieve them from their pain.

There's no way to know why things happen, there's no way to know when they're going to happen. I can't live in fear of bad things happening. I can't live a life where I'm constantly feeling guilty for causing my husband's job to cut hours. I can't live where I feel guilty when we have to spend yet again our entire savings on one of the kids dental work. I want to enjoy the high times in the middle of the low times, and to do that, I have to be grateful for everything I have. Guilt is one of those things that I've had to learn to release from my life. It's no where near gone, and I don't know if it ever will be but I can tell you this. I have felt some sort of guilt since I can remember. Literally since I was probably 4 or 5. And it's just compounded til just a few years ago when my health took a drastic turn for the worse. I'll probably always struggle with it but it's nice to tell myself that everyone struggles, even the best people do.

In other news, I'm overwhelmed by work. But I have amazing clients! So it's good! I have some who are absolutely honest in their dealings with me, who treat me with absolute kindness! But every once in a while I get the one, the one who just can't figure out how to be a good person. I have learned so much by being self employed. Sadly, it's always the ones who I'm bending over backwards for, losing money for, basically working for free for, that come back and punch me in the face. The ones who pay me what I'm worth, the ones who know from the start that they're hiring a mom of 7 who's giving them a deal so they'll be patient, those are the ones who I do my best work for. Those are the people who come back to me because we have great experiences together. These are the people I can really call my "friends". I'm so blessed to be able to do this so I can work from home and to get to do it at the pace that it takes to get things done when I have such a huge, young family.

Oh and Mike is 34, by the way. Men get better with age I think and last night I saw that so clearly. We were at the Mascot Bowl at Lehi High School and it is a huge Statewide affair! There were thousands of people there and I was seated in the top of the bleachers at the farthest end of the field. Mike was meeting us there from work and I kept my eyes open, watching every direction to see him when he got there. At one point I'd about given up and I happened to glance down to the bottom of the bleachers and there he was, looking around for us. My stomach was full of butterflies and my stupid hand shot up and I waved my arm around and was yelling "MIKE! MICHAEL! WE'RE RIGHT HERE!!!" at the top of my obnoxious lungs, apologies to the people sitting in front of me. He saw my arm and his eyes reached up to mine and he smiled the biggest smile and I mmmmelted, people. Melted like a popcicle on the 4th of July. I feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the whole wide world sometimes. Trés sigh...

P.S. I'm in no way trying to blame my dad for my guilt complex. He said it out of love and didn't mean for me to take it like that. I have a habit of taking things too hard. That's just me. Take it or leave it, I say.

And a Beach House, Definitely a Beach House

2011-09-07T15:01:00.000-06:00

I’m in my late 30’s, guys. I’mstarting to panic. I remember back in 2003 when I met Mike I was 29and (full of ideals? Did you think I was going to say full of ideals?I wasn’t. Ok so I was but I’m not going to now, happy?) FULL OFIDEAS (not ideals) and trying to get out of a horrible marriage andI’d just moved back to Vegas from Washington State. I thought I wasold then, but boy oh boy do I feel old now.

My body justisn’t what it used to be. I exercise, I drink water and I watchwhat I eat but it’s just not as healthy as it could be. True, I’vehad 2 babies in the last year and 4 moths but that’s not going tokeep me down. I’m determined. I’m losing this weight once and forall. If I have to cut it off myself, I will. (ok so no I’m notcutting it off myself but I’d like to for sure)

Now, I live in a state where it snows.A LOT. This is bad because a) I like to run/walk outside b) I don’tlike slipping. That means I can’t go outside to exercise from like Nov-April here. That’s a long damn time.

My hair is long, my skin is tan andgetting wrinkly and I’m catching little glimpses of myself all thetime in the mirror of myself wondering “who is that chick!?” Iremember thinking that by the time I was 40 I wanted to be settled ina house on the beach with my kids in high school and college and mydays freed up with reading books and long walks and lunch withfriends and I’ll tell you what....I’m no where close to that. I’mstill a mom of babies. I live in the Rocky Mountains. I have lunchwith friends but only a few times a year. I’m ok with this though.Well, ok with everything but the beach house. That haunts me. Howcould it not though?

I’ll sign up for a gym in town if Ihave to, but I’m determined to be healthy. I want to live to seegrandbabies, and great grandbabies and if I’m so lucky to havethem, GREAT GREAT GRANDBABIES.

Now, to figure out how to getthat beach house. Anybody wanna throw one our way? Thanks.

While They'll Still Have Me

2011-09-01T15:29:00.002-06:00

There's something that happens to me when the calendar flips to September. I find myself looking at the sky wondering when I'll get to wear a sweater. Those tights that have been in my drawer since April find themselves flung over the big deep arm chair in my bedroom. I start to burn more scents around my house that have to do with fall, like pumpkin or apple spice or cinnamon.

The end of the summer is bitter sweet and the kids go back to school, new clothes and backpacks, a moment of happiness all over their faces while they're still excited to be there. (ask them again in a month though. They'll want school to be over then, I assure you)

I took my oldest 3 boys to the beach this summer, in August as a matter of fact. I was asked to shoot quite a few families in Vegas and a few in California and if you know me, you know I can't resist the beach. It's where I feel healthy, where I feel happy, where I realize the beauty of this big rock we live on, where I feel like me.

Driving through the Utah, Nevada and California desert with the boys, heat pounding on the outside of the windows was long but on the way down at least it didn't bother us a bit. We knew we had real fun ahead. We sang loudly, rapped outloud, danced too big for the space we were crammed into but we didn't care. This was a trip with "mom" and these boys who can be found arguing with each other so many hours per week just loved each other. There's something about a trip, and a trip to the Pacific Ocean that heals all wounds. I can't wait to do it again.

September, I'm so glad you're here but just for a minute, could you just let me relive the month of August? I promise I won't be long.

Bangbang

2011-08-17T01:20:00.000-06:00

Guess what...I have a huge forehead. I got it from my mom who got it from her mom and so on and so forth. Most of my children also got said forehead as well and well, let's just say there's a cowlick that is at the top of the forehead that makes it almost impossible for me to have bangs that lie down.

Oh how I've been so jealous of my sister Eliza who can have cute straight-across-the-eyebrows bangs. I have tried and tried, but my dumb cowlick makes it so I always get the side swoopy thing.

Anyway, I have long hair right now. It's about to my waist in the back and I'm starting to feel like Crystal Gayle. Not good. I need a change. I think I need bangs. (oh and by the way, I pronounce it like "bongs" in case you were wondering. Sounds way fancier)

So tell me...to bangs or not to bangs?? That REALLY is the question..

Well Whaddya Know...

2011-08-10T15:33:00.002-06:00

This thing is still here? Awesome.

In the last what, 4 months(?) I've done a ton of things. The best one of those things is new baby Oskar. Another one of those thing is court. Some of these things were good, and some were bad, but for the most part, I'm still here and breathing.

I've come to realize a few things about myself. I am one of those people who comes off as an extrovert, which I am. I am always talking to people, when in a crowd I seem to have a way of making myself around it and meeting everyone there. I can't go to the store without leaving as a best friend to the check out girl/boy. I'm a talker. I was blessed with the gift of gab. I am not shy.

When I stress out though, when situations cause me to fall to my knees, hands clasped and knuckles white pressed against my forehead, I turn into a hobbit. My neighbors can attest to this. I think they've figured out my moods just by watching my door.

Lately, and I mean the last 4 months, it's been bad. I've had to force myself out to the store, to the post office. I'm on my knees in prayer, pleading for a moment of relief for sometimes hours every day. I pray in the car, I'm praying when I stare outside at the mountains from my room, I'm what you might call "introverted by stress".

I've taken to running through my blessings when I find myself unable to get out of bed. My kids keep me on my toes and it's all I can do just to keep up with them. And then I have to work! It's almost impossible for me to get everything done and I get so overwhelmed.

Know what I need? Really, do you know what I really need? A trip to Hawaii? A billion dollars? A new car? Sure, all of this would be nice but let's keep it real. I just want all my laundry done and my house cleaned all the way. Not just picked up like my kids and I do every day, but CLEANED. It's impossible I think. So I fret.

School starts in 2 weeks. Let's see if that helps.

Oh Oskar...thank goodness you're here. I sure love this baby.

At the Bottom of the Hill on the Roller Coaster I Call "My Life"

2011-04-13T06:32:00.003-06:00

The days are so redundant lately. Thank goodness we have our routines, I feel like I'm on auto-pilot. My friend Leslie that I grew up with in Vegas called me and left me a message telling me that it was ok that I don't answer my phone...and that she loved me. I'm so lucky to have good friends.

Mike has the flu, Harper feels terrible, Lola wears squeaky shoes now and runs around singing songs, the other kids are on spring break and I haven't even seen 3 of them. Kenzie's with friends all the time, Jonah's out with his buddies riding bikes and Casey's with his bestie, looking at everything they can see with the new telescope he got for his birthday.

I haven't talked to my sister Eliza in a month. Ashley keeps in touch with me through twitter because she knows I can handle 140 characters at a time and my brother is handling some of my legal issues in Vegas, so he gets to hear from me when I call to get updates.

When it rains...it pours. I'm in love with the last conference we just had. It keeps me going. I can barely walk, this sweet baby boy is just about to come out and I'll tell you what, it gives me an excuse to why I don't get out of bed. Thank goodness for books. A few of my friends have sent me passages of inspiration, some scripture, some quotes from famous people...and they keep me going. I have a little notebook that has one of the monsters from Where the Wild Things Are on the front and it's full of thoughts and messages that I've written down that will help me to be better when I'm feeling the weight of life right now.

7 kids, I'm so grateful for. Legal stuff that's more annoying than worrisome but just dealing with it makes me anxious. I wish I could expound but you know...I try to keep it here in our home so our words don't get twisted like they sometimes are. Let's just say we're not worried because we are the very people who've been taking care of our kids 100%, ONE HUNDRED PERCENT, of the time. 1 car down, a car with 5 seats is all we've got. Mike works 110 miles roundtrip from our home and it costs us about $350 per month just for gasoline in this economy. Sickening. Do we move? Do we find me a job that is 9-5 after the baby comes? Should Mike get a second job? Mike's mom's heart is failing. She's only got his sister with her down in California and she works so much it's really hard for her to balance work and their mom. She's so fantastic, I hope she gets better soon.

There, I had to get some of it out. The rest, well that's just stuff we don't need to talk about. Let's just say having teenagers and a big family is hard work. Mike and I are working our tails off to keep our home balanced and safe and free from outside attackers. Being REAL parents takes 24/7 work. I'm lucky to have this man of mine next to me. And I'm so glad this pregnancy is almost over. It's made a mess of my head. Hopefully this babe will be as cute as I think he is. How can he not be? He's ours...and I think my babies are the cutest kids in the world. That's what moms do right?

How'd you like that post? Let's see if Wednesday brings me something good. Like a Coke slurpee. Cross your fingers...the sun's almost up. Is it too early to drink? (a slurpee, that is. Pshh, I'm not that terrible)

Pirates and Big Ol' Bellies

2011-04-10T00:02:00.000-06:00

I have to tell you, there's been a little bit of everything going on over in the Easley house. First off, my mother in law and sister in law came all last weekend and stayed til Tuesday. I think I already told you that but it was so exciting so...I had to tell you again! Anyway...

Then, on Monday, I found out how dilated I was and then Dr. Menendez said "so you'll be having this baby before next week! But let's just make another appointment for next Monday just in case you don't..." Well...I didn't.

I won't.

My body is holding onto this baby for dear life. I swear he's about to fall out, gross I know, but still that's how it feels! And I'm contracting like...constantly. In 7-11 the other day I had to do that stupid thing you see women on TV do when they're in labor. I've never experienced this pain outside of the hospital, but I had to stop where I was and grab onto the nearest sturdy structure, which happened to be a huge display of baseball cards with gum, gummi peach rings and Granny B's pink frosted cookies. I stood there holding onto the rack with one hand and my other hand was on my lower stomach as I leaned forward and said "oohhhhhhhhh my gosh, ohhhh holy night..." over and over. Hey, it's better than the F word I figure.

Anyway, came home, been home for days, no baby.

I did however get some amazing maternity pictures done with the fantastic gals at Pure Photography and Design. (click!) They're really good friends of mine and just as sweet as they are talented. I love them.

Never have I ever had pictures done of me while pregnant, and never have I loved a photo of myself like I do some of these.

This is our last baby, for sure, and I just wanted to get some shots of me when I was juuuuuust about due, and this is what happened. Typically, I shoot maternity shots for women when they're about 32 weeks along so they don't feel too big and gross, but really, I wanted to capture the true size and look of me with this last sweet baby we're being blessed with.

We laughed our way through the shoot and halfway through we saw this couple who was so bizarre. He had a fedora on and was about 100 lbs and 5'11" and she was about 5' tall and as round as she was tall. Oh and she was older than his 25'ish years old. I figure she was about 40 but either way, they walked around with a point and shoot, following us, and following everyone else at the amphitheater. We saw them leave around 7:30 pm and about 8ish we wrapped up our shoot because it was getting dark.

We stood at the trunk of my car chatting for about 20 minutes til an older gentlemen came up to us and asked us if we'd been broken into. Our cars, you know? And I checked my car...nope. Crystal checked her truck...nope. Rachel checked her minivan...YEP! She'd had her purse stolen and all of her id's and credit cards and some checks. The poor guy was a scout leader leading his boys on a clean up the park activity, and while they were cleaning up the area, they broke into his minivan too and stole his wife's purse that he'd accidentally brought with him!

So sad and scary, so we called the police and of course he thought we were nuts when we told him that we thought a pirate lady with a patch and a young skinny man with a fedora had been seen in the area right when the stuff was stolen. Reports were filled out and we all left and went home. The cop said they'd had reports all over American Fork that night and that the purses and wallets were being stolen and then the cards were being used in as little as 15 minutes. Can you believe some people?

Anyway, I seem to attract the weirdos in the world and I'm so glad I do. I live a pretty darn fun life. I'm not complainin'!

A Good, Solid Weekend

2011-04-06T09:39:00.000-06:00

My mother in law and sister in law came to visit us last weekend. They arrived on Saturday night and left early before the sun came up on Tuesday. Driving that 10 hour trek from Utah to Southern California is never fun...trust me...I did it no less than 10 times last year.

The kids had the best time with them; shopping, watching movies, going to movies, eating birthday cake, playing "Just Dance 2"...you know..."fun aunt Amy" and "Awesome Grandma Easley" kind of stuff. The trip was short and we wish we could have kept them here for the next month, but Amy has to be back to work and Grandma has doctor's appointments.

Speaking of, I'm dilated to a 3-4 and 80-90% effaced. Now, the baby isn't supposed to be here til the end of April but we'll see. My body is just done I think. Having 7 kids, 2 of which will only be 13 months apart is good stuff and all but I don't think 37 year old bodies like doing it so much.

The weather is weird as is normal here in Utah. Last Saturday we had 78° weather and the next morning woke to snow. Then Monday it was warm again and yesterday it blew freezing wind and rain all over us! I love it but we all seem to get sick when it does this!

Lola's got a new habit of waking up in the middle of the night; just screaming and crying and even if we rock her or put her in bed with us, she's inconsolable! I remember Harper doing this just before Lola was born. I truly think there's some science whether it's physical or Godly to it. Like, are they doing this to prepare me for a new baby who'll wake every couple hours with a sweet cry? Either way, Sesame Street is her only solace. I swear, that girl cracks me up.

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Lola turned 1 last month, Tiff turned 19 last month, Casey turned 12 two months ago and Jonah turns 14 in three days. We waited to have the candle ceremony til the California family came to visit.

Lola was impressed with the fire. Who wouldn't be? 1 candle For The Win!!!

Tiff, Casey and Jonah decided they still wanted to blow out candles but really didn't want photographic proof. Tough crap kids. Your mom takes pictures. Get over it.

And of course, we can't leave the 4 year old even though his birthday isn't til July. That kid likes to party, what can I say?

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General Conference was also last weekend. If you didn't watch, you should have. What an inspirational weekend. I got tons of quotes out of it because if you know me, you know I loves me some quotes.

Here are a couple of my faves:

Success in marriage is not so much marrying the right person, but being the right person - Pres. Thomas S. Monson

Choose the one you love and love the one you choose

The gospel is built to "comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable"

Tomorrow the text from conference is available on the conference site and I can't tell you how excited I am! There were 2 specific talks from the Saturday morning session that I can't seem to get out of my head. They both had everything to do with mothers and fathers, and wives and husbands. You know when you hear a speaker or a teacher or a quote and you think "that was spoken just for me"? Well, that happens often with General Conference for many, but these particular talks spoke directly to my sore and inquisitive soul. So many things are happening in our life and we're trudging through with our heads high while we secretly want to sit right down on the floor and cry. I know everyone's going through these kinds of things right now but last weekend couldn't have come at a better time.

I'm so grateful for words of comfort, whether they be from church or friends who stop by with sweet and simple gifts or a tweet in my general direction asking me how I'm feeling today. Now if I can just get my sorry butt to put on some pants today we'll be heading toward a really really good day. Oh and thanks for reading guys. It's nice to know we're all in this together! (now I hope you sing this all day because I said that:)

Don't Give Up, Don't You Quit

2011-04-01T14:02:00.001-06:00

I'm one of those girls who loves the rain. When it rains I burn candles that smell like apple or pumpkin, I bake, I open all my windows and blinds. My kids know that when it rains they're in for treats because rain just makes me feel...I dunno...alive? Yes.

But today the sun is out and it's a fantastic 70°. Lola's napping after a morning of running around in her new little shoes on the grass in the back yard and Harper's begging to go to the park. If only I could walk down there right now, I sure would.

This weekend my mother in law and sister in law are coming to stay with us. With me being in this state where I'm not doing much cleaning or working at all, I hope they can stand the mess of my house. You know, having 6 kids and a very pregnant lady doesn't make for a very good homemaker.

This weekend is also General Conference. For those of you who aren't Mormon, this is when the leaders of our church speak to the entire congregation of people who believe in our faith and also to whomever decides to listen in. It happens twice a year and it goes for 2 hour sessions, 2 on Saturday for everyone and a meeting on Saturday night for the men, and then on Sunday for 2 sessions that last 2 hours each.

Typically, there are stories told, memories shared and it's to say the least...INSPIRING. You can tune in online or on tv if it's offered where you are. Some people even go to church buildings to hear the messages broadcast and in other countries of the world, this is how they tune in. It's for every one! You don't have to be LDS to watch or listen. (go here to tune in online!)

You may remember me posting a video a month or so ago by one of our leaders called Come What May and Love It. Today I opened up my Facebook to see that my sweet brother had sent me a link to another talk that has to be one of my most favorites. It's by a man we respect and love called Elder Jeffrey R. Holland. It's called "...Good Things to Come" and honestly, it's what I needed to hear today. My brother sent it to me last Friday and I just got it today and it's a good thing because in spite of all the sunshine outside, the last few days have really taken me to some of the lowest places you can be. I needed to get this message late because I needed it NOW.

Lately, my spirit has felt broken. I feel like I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel right now. Financially, we're struggling, emotionally we're struggling and even though I'm surrounded by my kids and Mike, I often feel so alone. Last night I kept myself awake reading and tidying up my house because I didn't want to go to bed because I knew that when I would go to bed, the morning would inevitably be here in the blink of an eye. Waking up seems so sad because it's just another day where I'm searching for creative ways to take care of my family.

This little video is amazing. Watch it. Just do it. It's 5 minutes out of your life and even if you don't have the same beliefs as I do you'll know that we just need to tell ourselves the same thing.

“Don’t give up. Don’t you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead—a lot of it—30 years of it now, and still counting. You keep your chin up. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come.”

Welcoming Spring is lifting my spirits! Hearing the words of men who understand life and it's trials, men who've seen more than I have who've gone down roads that I've yet to travel, these things bring me happiness today. I'm searching for ways to keep light and happiness in my home and I hope you all can do the same! Let's all go plant some flowers...whadd'ya say?

Awesome

2011-03-30T10:41:00.000-06:00

check out my sweet new ride, the "Emotional Roller Coaster"

My goal for today is to get pants on. Here's to reaching for the stars, right?

The Post Wherein I List Stupid Stuff

2011-03-29T11:24:00.000-06:00

Since I'm almost 36 weeks pregnant and trying to keep this baby in here til 40, I've been spending Lola's nap time sitting on my bed. And after making dinner time. And after Lola's bedtime but way before my own real bedtime. Seeing as I can't read without getting a headache (my eyes are all jacked up as is normal with pregnant women (click!)), this has left me only a few options of what to do while I'm there. I'm going to list a few of them now but not in any particular order since none is really any more awesome than the other:

watch the open window of my bedrooms carefully as we have no working screens on them waiting for The Deadly Spider of 2011 to come creeping through, trying to bite the back of my thighs when I'm not looking. This may sound unrealistic but you don't live in my neighborhood along a path that winds around Utah Lake, aka Deadly Bug Lake. (named by us, because we're really the only ones who count here)
think of all the frivolous food I want to eat. This can be damaging but in my present state wherein I'm trying to GROW A HUMAN BEING I'm not too concerned about it. Especially since none of them are actually going to make it to my face/stomach/baby mostly because of the next thing on my list.
fret over money. This may not seem like the most fun thing to think about but guess what. You're right. It's not. It's panic inducing. We have a big family. We've made the choice to have me stay home with the children for many reasons, many really important reasons. So here I sit, counting the bills in my head, adding up the money coming in and occasionally I get to plan something out with the extra dough we're bringing in. Something fun like buying everyone a gumball at the quarter machine next time we're at the grocery store. Hey Big Spendaaaaaaaaaah....
watch ID on Discovery. If you haven't already found this channel, find it. I assure you it's worth your time. If we weren't in a huge contract with Directv, we'd have cancelled cable, but we are. So I watch shows and Harper hates them. He says "mom, are you watching one of 'your shows'?" and I say "it's a show about a lady yes" and he says "does she get killed?" and I say "yes, probably" and he says "Oh mom" and I say "isn't it nap time? Mama needs to watch her stories" and he goes to lay down. I'm glad we have this understanding. Oh and before you call child protective services, please do understand that when he goes to "lay down" that actually means he gets to play the Wii uninterrupted for as long as Lola sleeps. He still gets his daily spankins in though, don't you fret.
think about holidays that aren't even remotely close. I will sometimes sit here and think about Christmas time and wish that they made Peeps in the shape of wreaths, or trees. Or maybe we can just bring Peep Ghosts to Christmas and reinact a scene from A Christmas Carol. Jacob Marley never tasted so squishy delicious!
make plans to clean the garage, but then I'm soon deterred because of what could be creeping in there. (see item #1)

I could go on and on here but really, do you come to my blog to read about my craziness? Probably not but if you do, let me give you one last item on my list so you can see just how crazy I am. I present to you, Fantastic Number 7 (whatever that means) (actually, I'm about to have Lucky Number 7! so it may actually make more sense than I had intended it to)

nap. Can you believe it? A mother of 6 who gets to nap. Now, keep in mind, this will be during Lola's nap and often Harper is next to me playing his DSi for "quiet time". But really, a nap. For a mom of 6. Told ya it was crazy.

Optimism

2011-03-25T09:56:00.001-06:00

Yesterday it rained and sort of hailed, we had a million errands to run and it was just Lola and Harper and I. Lola's been in a "big girl" car seat that we have had in our garage for almost a year. It's my sister Eliza's and I keep meaning to take it back to her but I'm the worst return-er in the history of ever. Anyway, we figured that the baby coming would need a clean and shiny car seat and Lola was hanging out of the infant seat so we took everything apart and there you go. Lola's sitting in Liza's car seat aka the big girl car seat until payday when we'll be honest people and give it back and buy another one just for her. I can't even believe she's that big already. Where did the time go?

Watching those two, Harper (4) and Lola (1) in the rear view mirror is the best entertainment in the world. It's probably dangerous for me to tilt the mirror down, using each side mirror on the outside of the car as my tool to view behind me, watching them giggle at each other, make faces at one another and hold hands. Really, they hold hands.

My heart breaks! They love each other so much. When Harper goes to Kindergarten in the fall she's going to have the hardest time I think. Hopefully this new baby boy will be sitting up and playing with little toys so she will have something to focus her social butterfly personality on.

Today it's raining and snowing too. This morning I felt myself sort of slip into a familiar routine, cutting fruit on Lola's high chair tray and making cereal with bananas cut up into it for Harper. It's one of those days, we probably won't even get shoes on today. I have to get dressed, my sweet neighbor Jackie (the one who made that bread and jam!) is coming over later this afternoon to see me. She knows that by the end of the week I need another girl to talk to who isn't my child and she's so good at putting in a call or an email or a visit to me. (or some bread and jam, heaven love her)

The other night I didn't sleep at all. Well no, I take that back, I slept from midnight til about 1:15 when Lola woke up because her teeth hurt. As I tend to do when it's the middle of the night and dark I started to think. Thinking led to worrying about money/kids/relationships/etc. and before I knew it Mike's 7:00 alarm was going off and I hadn't slept a bit. The rest of the day was miserable and I was tired and cranky and that night I had a billion things to do so I couldn't go to bed til almost midnight again and the next day was no better. This pattern happens more than I'd like to admit. Things are beating me down, beating us down and every time we think one challenge is over we realize it's just changed. You might think that because I'm a "talker" and that because I "blog" etc, I spill my guts but that's not me. I'm really good at making up a super quick excuse when people ask me what's wrong because getting into the meat of what's really happening with us wouldn't solve anything. Right now, Mike and I and also our bishop are truly the only people on the earth who know what's going on here. I keep busy during the days but at night, man...

Night times are painful and exhausting and you all know how it can make the coming day seem like a punishment, so this morning I got up, said my morning prayers, got our lives started and while I was waiting for something to come to my mind that would help me feel like I could personally handle the 3 different unrelated things that are going on right now, I got two pieces of inspiration. One was to make brownies. Lots of them. Which I will do when these babes take a nap in a sec (after Elmo's World is over in 3 minutes) and the second little piece of inspiration was a quote I heard once before by Lucille Ball that I remember loving. Within a few minutes of searching I found it. (Thank you to The Foundation For A Better Life's website, which is another topic I'll cover at a later time) .

One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn't pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself. - Lucille Ball

I love this picture of them. I was going to put up a
picture of just Lucy, but when I saw this one, I chose it because
being a strong woman doesn't mean you have to do it alone.

Rad quote, huh.

Update's Getting Shorter

2011-03-23T22:17:00.000-06:00

I'm getting fatter, Tiffany's getting smaller, Lola's walking faster, Harper's sleeping longer, Kenzie's studying harder, Casey's getting stronger, Jonah's singing louder, Mike's working later.

How's that working out for ya?

Oh and I have the most amazing neighbors. Jeanne-Marie brought Osc/kar an outfit today because she's going on an awesome vacation in a week and she didn't want me to go giftless if she wasn't back here for the birth. Um...awesome. Oh and Jackie? She brought me hot bread and homemade raspberry (omgmyfavorite) jam. I DIED. (which was honest-to-goodness gone in 2 days, thanks to me.)

I am blessed.

We're All Together Again!!!

2011-03-21T16:29:00.000-06:00

This weekend was pretty epic as weekends go. We didn't have a fantastic trip to a new place, we didn't go anywhere at all as a matter of fact. Our weekend was full of milestones.

Lola turned 1. She's a fireball, that little girl. She's started to play pretend, taking an empty bowl or cup and stirring it with a little spoon. She walks around feeding us all her imaginary concoction and we all are required to respond with a nod of the head and a big "mmmmmmmm!!!" or else she'd keep feeding us the imaginary food.

The weather was gloomy, rain hitting our windows as we did our "saturday" chores. I love the smell of clean laundry and so does Lola. I'd bring load after load into the family room to fold straight out of the dryer and she'd run over (yes "run"...she's running now. Crazy) and stick her little hands in the basket and grab the first thing her little grubby mitts could find and hold it to her nose and inhale so loud you'd think it was her very first breath. "Mmmmmm" she'd say. I agree Lola, fresh laundry smells so good. (thank you, Downy)

We had cake with purple and blue icing. I was afraid her little face would be permanently stained, especially since the blue and purple dye made her look like her cheeks and nose and chin were bruised. You know, from the Annual Birthday Beatdown. It's a favorite tradition in our family. ;) A bath miraculously washed her clean! Gotta love good ol' soap and water. Happy First Birthday, my sweet baby girl...

Sunday morning brought more rain and even though you'd think we'd be upset, rain means No Snow, and No Snow means SPRING! IS! HERE! It also means Summer is on it's way! Harper can talk of almost nothing else. He can't wait to be able to go to the park to swing without having to run home after 20 minutes to soak in a warm tub so his fingers and toes have feeling again.

Tiffany came home that night. We had my cousin Audrey over and she kept us company while we made and ate stuffed manicotti for dinner. Tiffany's been gone for a little over 2 months in Las Vegas. We talked on the phone often, and while she was having a good time with my sister Ashley and my parents, she wanted to come home. It stinks to be so torn between so much fun with Grandparents and an Aunt and your brothers and sisters! Lucky girl.

When we saw her pull up Lola and Harper peeked out the open door and when she came in the house, Harper could hardly contain himself! He went buck wild. He loves Tiff, they're best buddies. Lola on the other hand was terrified of her. She tried to eat some paper 10 minutes after Tiff got home, so Tiffany said "no Lola, don't eat that" causing Lola to grab onto Mackenzie like a baby spider monkey, big elephant tears streaming down her cheeks. Her little heart was broken, even until today at around 2. She finally remembers Tiff. It's good to have her home.

You know, there are different ways families can react to situations like Tiffany's. I know this first hand, a couple times over. If you don't know my story, I'll save it for another time. Long story. Anyway, it was fantastic to see how a situation can change lives. I knew from the second I found out she was expecting that I had to show her the blessing of adoption. I'd show her blogs by other birth mothers and she'd roll her eyes and cry and say "It's MY choice. I'm an adult, I can do this on my own". I took her to see an amazing therapist one day, sneaking her into the office. See, the office is attached to the Deseret Industries store in the town next to ours. We browsed old dresses, furniture and old dishes all the while I knew I had to encourage her to go next door. As we left the store, I said "let's just go in and see what it takes to see somebody here". Reluctantly, she went in. The rest is history.

Even until the last day before she signed relinquishment papers, she had doubts. Mike and I brought her home from Primary Children's Hospital where the baby was being watched in the NICU and we invited her into our bedroom. I told her that we would support her either way but that she needed to think of the two options she had in front of her. So many tears were shed. She wanted so badly to keep that baby, and even if she had, we'd still love her. I couldn't let her do this alone. Any of it. She wanted to leave last summer but through it all, we never judged her, we tried every day to tell her we loved her, I read so many things about how to do this but at the end of the day, we just made ourselves part of her life and set ourselves under her like a raft. She made the right decision and we know it was hers to make. She told us last night that our talk that night helped her to really think about the reality of it all. That's what parents are supposed to do...right?

After Maya was placed, she knew she had to go somewhere. My parents generously offered to keep her for 2 months. When she came back last night, she looked like the Tiffany we knew a year ago. The Tiffany who would come home from church in her cute pencil skirt with her binders and lesson handouts, smiling and looking brilliant.

Unconditionally, we're here for her. She told us late last night that the reason she feels like she can be a productive and happy person even after so many mistakes is because she knows that our home is always her home. She knows that we'll always have a place for her with no judgement put on her. We have to let her make mistakes, but we will never ever put her out or send her away somewhere she doesn't want to be. Feeling like you have a "home" is the key here I've found.

When we made the decision for me to always be at home with our kids, we knew that we'd hear it from people about how I should work and help out my family. My job is here in my home. My job is to make sure these kids become generous, independent, loving, educated and spiritual people. Soon we'll have 7 and you know what, I don't regret one single moment I spend here with these kids. The photography, the writing, the dreams of being something for myself, those take a back seat because right now, I just want to be a Mom.

Our bishop came over on Friday to help us out with some things. He is very aware of our situation and it's nice when he can look at what we're doing and at our choices for who works and who works at home and he reminded Mike that his job is how to Preside, Provide and Protect. I like the way we've set up our family dynamic. It's amazing to see how the family seems to just click into place when we set our goals and then follow through with them.

See, there's this thing I have. I was raised in a really great family. Soon after leaving my home after some really bumpy teenage years I found myself the mother of a young baby and single. I started dating the first person I thought my parents liked (true story) after only knowing him for a few weeks, and really, after just a couple weeks he proposed. Later I found out he'd been engaged like 5 times before me but that's another story I'll never tell because really, who gives a crap. Anyway, I went from a normal home to a few years of being alone and feeling alone and having a baby alone to a dysfunctional marriage and family life. So when I was divorced and eventually remarried to Mike, we knew from the start we should get these kids into a normal life.

That's when this (right click and open in a new tab!) came into our life as a guide. Just reading through it with Mike caused me so much grief and sadness all the while feeling like I needed to really change some things. I was sad because I realized that the10 years I was living through The Mistake (marrying my first husband) put my kids into a home that was almost the exact opposite of what The Proclamation stated a family should really be.

This part really stood out to me the most:

"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."

See, it doesn't say mom's HAVE to stay home, but really, we're blessed as women with gifts to raise our children and men are natural protectors and providers. This has worked in our marriage. Almost 6 years of marriage to Michael and it's sad that I had to be over the age of 30 to know what love is.

I tend to ramble don't I? I know. I'm sorry. I'm a yappity yap sometimes.

Anyway, Tiff came home. We stayed up really really late just talking, Mike, Tiff and I. She said it felt so good to be home. She said she feels safe where we are. That's when I realized...I might just be doing ok here at this "mom" thing... I slept better than I have in months. It feels so good to have us all together again.

Corned Beef and Cabbage!!! Not This Year

2011-03-17T13:15:00.000-06:00

Since I was little, we'd always have this. My mom would boil up a big pot of corned beef and cabbage and to this day, it's one of my most favorite meals. I could eat it every week, seriously. (Maybe I'll have to buy a couple and freeze them tomorrow. The corned beef, not the cabbage) This year though, the kids asked me "what else do they eat in Ireland?"

Hm... good question. I know they make soda bread. I know they use potatoes a lot. So I set out to discover what else those darn people eat! After checking many many blogs and recipe sites, I've narrowed this year down to 2 things. Why only 2? Because I'm lazy and 9 months pregnant and guess what, this stuff is plenty.

We're having potato leek soup. Thankfully, I've already got a good recipe for this so the only real problem might be finding healthy leeks. Green onion can do in a pinch though so I'm not worried. Also? Duh, shepherds pie. My kids love this so we're also having that. A "green" salad and ginger ale should top it off nicely, don't you think? I'm the most boring mom ever, I don't tip furniture over, I don't put little green footprints all over the house, I just cook good food and we leave it with that.

What do YOU do on St. Patrick's Day? Anything fun and delicious?

All That Chatter

2011-03-16T21:28:00.000-06:00

Lately I've been torn when it comes to how much of an internet presence we should have. I find so many of my good friends in photography, in motherhood, in our experience with the adoption through Facebook. I keep up with old childhood friends, I post pictures and I even talk to our family members who live out of state through Facebook. It's a good thing to have for the kids because many of their teachers are on there and even a couple of them on there link to things like due dates for assignments, particularly for Mackenzie.

But more and more often, it seems like having the immediate details of our lives online is only causing problems. For example, I may post about being sick, and then you know how time goes...1 month feels like just a day when you're in your 30's. So imagine I post 2 months later that I'm sick again, the comments NEVER seem to quit that say things like "wow you guys are sick all the time" and "jeez, didn't you guys just get over that?!" In reality, no, we didn't just get over that. Months ago we may have but really, what family of 8 is completely sniffle free for many months at a time? Not many, I can assure you.

That example isn't something I'm listing specifically because it causes me grief, not at all, but it's a perfect way to illustrate how our fluffy and light status updates can open a small window that others can use to see into our lives. Sadly, this window only shows 1 room in our house! Maybe 2?

Likewise, it allows us to be short and opinionated with others with almost no recourse. We can say what we think about a status update by quipping a response to others, and while I admit that most of the time it's positive, how many times do we say things we shouldn't because really, what are our words? They're black lines and circles on a screen. Right?

Having kids of all ages in our home, we have to teach using many methods. We find that laughter and visual aids work for everyone. A few years ago when Harper was small and we were trying to teach a lesson to the kids about carefully choosing the words we speak to others, I found a little way to do this so that everyone could understand and also so that we could keep their attention.

Enter lesson called "Make Your Words Soft and Sweet". In the lesson plan I found online, it suggested glueing mini marshmallows on a board for "Soft" and sugar cubes for the "Sweet" part. We thought it might be better illustrated through an activity. Which activity? Um, throwing stuff. Seriously, is there anything better than throwing stuff at each other and not getting in trouble for it? I vote "no".

I went outside to the neighbor's yard and got some small gravel and rocks and put them in a bucket. Then I put marshmallows in the same bucket. Then I put a single marshmallow in a small cup and a 1/2 cup or so of vinegar in another one. You can imagine where it went from here right? Words need to be soft so they don't hurt, and sweet not bitter because one day you might have to eat them. Got it.

I try to explain to my kids sometimes when they get offended by something someone said that maybe we should look at the words we said to them just before they said it to us. Were they careful to listen to how they said something? Even within my own home this is an issue. Mackenzie will come up and say that Jonah called her something really mean, and then I'll say "well what did you say to him before that?" and she'll repeat it and it's ALWAYS something really gently said with a sweet smile. Puh-lease. Ok, so how about we go over it exactly how it was said? Were there words that cause hurt? Point blame? Seriously kids, let's learn this lesson again shall we? Looks like we might have to do the marshmallow and vinegar lesson again.

The internet is a big playground. It can be used for good! There are so many things on there that I love, yet so many things I don't love. Just now I saw Casey playing a game online with buddies that were put into a group to play with him I heard many of his cute friends from school! Their talk was innocent and sweet, and then that particular round ended. The "lobby" in between the last game and the next came on and immediately I heard some new, stranger of a young boy's voice calling them all "Faggots". He wasn't someone from their school or even this state but that's how it works. This is the internet people.

Whether it's a blog, or Facebook or whatever, we need to guard ourselves. Email, texting, instant messaging, these all fall into the same category for me. As if the world wasn't hard enough to live in, always dealing with people at work or school, church and the store, now we're ALL in the face of everyone who wants to step in our online "door".

Words are hard enough to block in the real word let alone on the computer monitor. Next time you're saying something online ask yourself, would you really say that to this person's face? There's the real question.

Now I have to go put Harper to bed and while I'm at it, I get to explain to him why it's ok to pinch people tomorrow but not every other day of the year. Wish me luck.

Riley's Birthday and some Rambling

2011-03-15T18:48:00.001-06:00

It was 64° out today. So different from what we've had over the last 5 months. I got Lola and Harper into clothes that weren't too warm or too cold and went and picked Casey up from school today a bit early. He had an appointment. Afterwards, we went and got food to take to the park for lunch.

Lola hates swings but today for some reason, she was ok in the weirdly shaped, hard rubber baby swing. I started her out slow, sitting myself down on the wood chips in front of her and sang to her as I slowly increased the speed of her sway. Eventually she was staring off into her own little tiny girl land, singing songs from Yo Gabba Gabba to herself. You know, the one about Babies. (click!)

It got me thinking. My life seems so complicated sometimes and really, all the stress and distraction of the legal stuff going on keeps me from being a mommy, a lot more often than I should probably admit. My littles get planted in front of the toy box while I make phone call after phone call to lawyers and friends who are helping in this. I don't even know how to open the door to neighbors when I'm on the phone because I can't miss a single word. This is legal stuff! It takes priority!!!! Right?

Today while Lola was swinging in front of me, her little cold toes brushing against my face as I leaned under her while she was on the forward part of her swing and she'd giggle. The best sound ever. Harper was laughing as Casey pushed him "under dog" and he even learned how to count to 3 and then JUMP! off the swing. I worried he'd break his ankles but then that thought came again. We all did that! We all learned how to jump off the swing at some point. The euphoria of floating through the air in what seemed like the highest arc and then landing, your ankles stinging a bit when you hit the playground floor. That's kid stuff, but it teaches you to leap with faith that you'll land and be ok.

Faith that we'll be ok when we leap.

Faith that what's going on in other parts of the world has a purpose. Painful as it seems, it's so true. Everything has a purpose. Faith that it will all come together is what I'm learning today.

Either way, we're going to wake up tomorrow, or we're not! What we can do is our very best every single day.

Today's my nephew's birthday. Riley C. turned 13. That kid is so awesome. He's a year younger than my Jonah and they've been buddies for their whole lives. I had Jonah, a year later Riley came along, then my Casey a year after that then Riley's brother Jackson a year later. Every year for 4 years a boy cousin was born. To see these boys together is to make you almost cry. I remember when they were like Lola on the swing. Literally. We were at a blessing picnic here in Utah and cute Jonah was on the baby swing, and he'd hold his breath too as I pushed, but slowly he grew to know it would be ok.

I'm lucky to have my fam! What an amazing group I get to be part of.

Riley, you're a fantastic example of how to be obedient. You're always gentle and you play with ALL of my boys and even little Lola thinks you're funny...when you're not being "scary" like your dad. ;) Juuuuuuust kidding.

So all this rambling does have a purpose. I wanted to capture and remember the feeling I had today. I'm not sure we're going to get through a few really crazy things that are happening in our lives unscathed, but I'm sure we'll get through somehow. Right now we're just looking to our friends and family and jumping off at the forward arc of our swing. Just how we'll land, I don't know yet. We'll see.

If you can make sense of any of this, congratulations. That means you're awesome.

Loves,

A

Baaaoooow. Baaaoooow. Baaaoooow. Baaaoooow. Baaaoooow.

2011-03-14T17:57:00.000-06:00

Well look at what the cat dragged in:

(Please do forgive me for the mess in my bedroom. And the black curtain over the window. I was watching a movie earlier and the glare...oh the GLARE! Also, as you can see, this was shot from floor level because as you know, Saturday is a Special Day, it's the day we clean the crap out of our bedrooms. This means piling clothes onto my bed since all of my laundry baskets seem to be full of things that are wintry since Spring! Is! Here! and we're putting away hot stuff and getting out cooler clothes. We don't have the closet space for both. As a matter of fact, wanna know how big my closet is? And I do NOT exaggerate here. No for real, this is the truth. Hold your arm straight out in front of you. Yes. Arm. Just one. Now imagine your fingers are touching the back of my closet. K, now imagine your armpit is my closet door. Ok good that's how deep it is. Wanna know how wide? Same thing. Yep. My closet is less than 2 feet across and 2 feet deep. For a woman. In the MASTER BEDROOM OF A HOUSE.

Anyway.

That was a really long description of the above video of Lola meowing. Oh and see that hair on her? Yep, we like to call that the "one pony out and one pony in" or the "maniac" since that's basically what she is)

Come What May And Love It

2011-03-11T10:11:00.005-07:00

You know, the roller-coaster of emotions that a woman (and her husband and children and friends and family and neighbors who lie downwind) goes through while she's pregnant is enormous. It probably shouldn't be ridden by anyone with back problems or heart problems or by young children...I said probably. It's scary. Even when we're not pregnant, we're so up and down it makes my sweet husband sometimes stop me at night and just rub my back saying "it's hard to be a girl, huh". Yes babe, it is. Sometimes it is.

But the blessings of it are also great. We are able to love our littles when they're hurt, or listen to our teenagers with different ears than dad might. When the boy breaks her heart, or the kids are mean on the playground we mothers can do things that dad can't sometimes.

Dad has his own job, his own purpose, and I don't envy it one bit. Being a dad to these kids is hard. When those teenage hormones and feminine spurts of monthly psychosis kick in it's only the dad who can ignore the "I HATE YOU!" and "LEAVE ME ALONE!" comments. He can go quietly to his room and pray for those kids to soften, or come into the bedroom where mom is frequently pulling her hair out with frustration and laugh and say "Give him/her 20 minutes" and he's right. Every time. Instead of fighting, or screaming mean or spiteful and hurtful words at the kids, or without retreating and saying "well I tried!" after only yelling back at and participating in the "teenage angst", he can step aside and wait, knowing it will all be ok if he just loves with authority and gentle words. Not all men can and will do this, but mine sure does. He's one of the best men I know.

One of the things that has been hard for me this week has been my ability to think outside of the immediate. When we've done things for our kids for years, and I do mean years, and then all of the work we've done, time spent, money applied to keeping these kids happy and our family peaceful is called into question, and all the other side who extends near to zero help can do is ask for moremoremore...well, it struck me as so appalling and ungrateful, I really couldn't take another thing. I shut down. The "fear" they were trying to instill in us didn't even cause us one bit of it, but moreso it caused me to feel so bad for my kids. Instead of actually DOING what they're supposed to do, they want to force the kids into what they want from them. We all know who's "plan" that sounds like, now don't we? *insert biggest wink and eye roll you can muster about now*

What with my hormones as they are, I almost stopped functioning. I could have laid in my bed crying and being frustrated at the gall of the other party but every time I stopped and let my mind get to a point where I could fall weak, I would remember one of my most favorite talks by sweet Elder Wirthlin called Come What May and Love It. (click!) Now, whether or not you're a Mormon, or even a Christian this talk can help you. It's an inspired moment in time where simple words and simple jokes can lighten a heart, mood and load. It minimizes the pain I sometimes feel with just a few simple paragraphs.

It's funny that this week seemed to be focused around so many terrible things while at the same time leaning toward the blessings I have in my life. Last week I started doing one daily thing extra for one of my kids, or a friend and the first few days I had to really think hard about what to do. I realized on about day 3 that if I just got to work around my house, the person who would need my help would just slip into my mind and I knew that I had to act on it.

I wanted it to be some grand idea, some person I hadn't thought of in a long time, but often, it would be one of my own kids who I didn't know was suffering, or something simple like making a phone call to someone I'd just talked to a day or two before on the phone.

Then I saw my sister on Facebook saying things like "Day 2 of losing myself (in service)" and then this morning, my friend Crystal posted this on Facebook:

Yep. It's a shortened version of some of the more important parts of the same talk I mentioned above. Love it!

Now, I know you don't come here for preaching, or to hear me talk about my troubles, but often that's what I write about. I write because it's therapeutic. I could just post fluff and pictures of my lawn starting to get green again, but that's not who I am. I could post youtube videos of me tap dancing and singing Britney Spears "Toxic" complete with auto-tune but we all know I don't want to scare you away, am I right? Anyway, I do this because it's my way to clear my mind out, to talk to friends and to get your perspectives on things. You guys are one of the main reasons I do this. You reading along with me makes me feel less alone, and every little comment is a bit of service you provide for me. I mean that with all of my heart. It's true!

So today, when I get to fold acres of laundry and lift 25 lb. Lola up and down the stairs a hundred times and cheer for Harper as he defeats Dr. Eggman for the 435,215th time, I can smile a little bit knowing that when I come on here and see your comments, there are other people out there...whether you're a mom or a dad or none of the above, and you still read what I say and give a hoot enough to come back and see what I've got to ~~expose~~ share about myself and my poor family today even though I like to abuse The Comma. Just so you know, this helps and it lightens my load!

Oh and one more thing:

IT'S FRIDAY and it's my sister-in-law's birthday!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MANDY!
LOVE YOU!

Mandy is the most patient mom, best sister, most amazing wife and her laugh makes me laugh! We also had their Dylan and my Harper 4 days apart and they're due with their next baby Lucas 4 days before we're due with baby Osc/kar!!!

Her blog is here read it but I warned you, she may or may not make you feel bad about yourself, she's ridiculously efficient. Trés sigh...

(woot!)

What a Difference a Night Makes

2011-03-08T09:17:00.001-07:00

I hope you know how much I love sleeping. I do. I do love sleeping and I do hope you know, I mean. Almost as much as I love dancing around my house while people aren't looking in my windows.

Guess what, I have to tell you a secret. Ok, maybe I've talked about this before I'm not sure but actually, now that I think about it, I think I've talked about this with my cousin Kjersten.

(L to R: Ashley Oblad (my baby sister) Eliza (my sister who's a year younger than me) Eric (my cousin) Ryan (his brother, also my cousin) Taylor, (top right looking like a cholo of which he's not) and finally, Kjersten

Isn't she lovely? Look at that pose...that stare of confidence...(she's on the bottom right in the awesome tan vest) See the bangs in the next photo?

Cousin Rachel Christensen and of course, Kjersten with awesome bangs

I have to show the picture with the bangs because I bet that picture was taken around the same time I'd sit in my bathroom with her when we were younger and I'd curl her hair and sometimes I'd burn the skin off of her forehead. Like, a real burn. Probably needed to be treated at the hospital but whatever, this was the 80's. We were tougher. Oh and sometimes we'd make Kjersten sleep in our closet growing up but it was one of those closets that had sliding mirrored doors and we'd build her a bed on the floor with blankets and pillows then shut the doors almost all the way during a sleepover. I realize now it sounds really mean but it was pretty awesome I thought. No? Just me? Whoops. But really, here's what she looks like in real life now. She's stunning:

Kjersten and her daughter Olivia

See??? No burn scars on her forehead from me and my crazy curling iron! ANYWAY! So Kjersten and I frequently talk about things in our lives that are weird. She's funny and makes me laugh like no other and at some point I don't remember which, I confessed to her that I talk to myself in my car. Not constantly. It will be a glance out the window and I will say something like "well that idiot needs a ticket" or something to that effect. Not because I'm really trying to talk to myself but because I always and I mean ALWAYS feel like I'm being watched in my car. Like there's a camera crew who's planted tiny FBI-type cameras in my rear view mirror, and then that there are 10 other ones somewhere hidden in my car somewhere. What I'm trying to tell you is that I feel like I'm being watched in my car. All the time. I do realize that some of you are going to google "Crazy Person Who Thinks People Are Watching Her In Her Car" (there, I did it for you) and see that the first hit is for "paranoia". Pshh. Whatevs. It's not a bad thing. I'm serious though. I don't enjoy doing it per se, and I don't always wear shoes in my car, but you can be sure I always make sure I have lipstick on. True story.

Anyway, one of the best things about talking to the "camera people" in the car about traffic or whatever, is that I pretty much always have kids in my car. Almost always. And often they'll be like "who are you talking to?" and instead of replying with something about "duh. camera people" I say "oh! I'm singing. It's a song!" and then I have to pretend there's a real song about the stupid idiot woman who drives slow in the fast lane. You get the idea.

So I keep music on in the car all the time.

Ok where was I going with this story? Kjersten closets, singing in the car, camera crews...ah yes! I remember. K so last night there was this crazy wind and snow storm. It was insane. Mike and I had to go clear up to Salt Lake in it which wouldn't normally be a big deal, that's like 20 minutes, but because of the weather it took like an hour. And this idiot freakin semi truck kept passing me, then slowing down, then getting in my lane, then passing me again all the while splashing wet snow soooooooo hard on my windshield so we couldn't see at ALL, and I have to tell you, not only do I talk to the camera crew about the bad drivers, I kind of have Driving Tourettes. Which should not be confused with Christmas Tourettes wherein you say really bad words in front of your kids because Christmas is so stinkin' frustrating! Incidentally, I also have Laundry Tourettes which only affects me when I'm pregnant because wet clothes are heavy and I have a hard time bending down and over and up and down etc. with a baby on the hip and a baby in the belly. Anyway, Driving Tourettes. I do say bad words sometimes (as Harper likes to say to people, especially people at church or the store or neighbors or whomever is within earshot "my mom sometimes says 'the shuh-shuh word.'") (get it? It starts with the "sh" sound. Use your imagination folks)

Anyway, it was Mike and I in the car and no kids so that's when the threats typically turn on. I grit my teeth and make really terrible threats against people who drive crazy. I'm one of "those". They're not yelling or screaming threats (hello, screaming on camera isn't sexy, my people) but gritting my teeth and informing them of the smackdown I wanna put on 'em is more my style.

Anyway me, threatening the truck driver. And look, I realize I won't ever hurt them, but in my mind I pull them over and it will be over. They'll be scared and I'll make them understand how stupid they've been. In my imagination I'm no pregnant mother of 6. I'm a b'dass who pulls the trigga, I don't press people button. It works out something like that in my mind, oh and then there's some sort of apology and then I get a key to the city and I get to wear something pretty and filmy to the ceremony they'll have for me.

Ok, I'm a bit delusional and what all of this has to do with the title of today's blog is...yesterday was terrible. Still is, but that's the thing. It was yesterday. Today I'm better, not great, but I'm not crying into my rear view window (now with more lipstick!) Instead I'm listening to music with my kids trying to teach Harper and Lola the importance of keepin' it real.

Keep Moving Forward...

2011-03-07T13:10:00.003-07:00

Never has the title of my blog meant more to me than it does today. Things have been piling up around here emotionally and I've been trying to avoid the breakdown that comes with doing that whilst pregnant by doing things for others. I've sneaked little love notes into my kids backpacks, I've shared small gifts with people, I've tried to make a phone call a day to someone I've been inspired to call through my morning meditation and prayer. I count my blessings. I do. I count them so often it's almost like reciting lyrics to a song I've known for 20 years. My blessings are great. I'm truly fortunate to have what I have.

I'm trying. I'm really trying. I have to keep repeating that to myself. I have been reading stories of friends of mine who have lost health in their life. I've sobbed over blogs by young mothers who are losing their children to cancer, sickness and accidents.

Just look at those people in that picture with me. They're my family. MY FAMILY. How awesome is that? Now here's where the big "but" comes in. (not MY big butt, obviously, although it's always there, following me around and stuff) Some days things come up in your life that takes that delicate dance you do to keep yourself afloat and dumps a big bucket of wet cement over it. Today was one of those days. I'd love to say I'm being dramatic, I'd love to say that there was a good way around this, but there's not. Today Mike and I had an experience that we can't discuss (to protect our sweet kids) that just blows all other "you've got to be kidding me!" situations in the past out of the water. There's no way to ignore this either and although I am positive our family will eventually come out on top of this situation, there's no way to avoid being thrown into the lion's den right now by some terribly dishonest and evil people. Good thing I like lions so much.

It's About Keeping a Good Feeling in Your Heart

2011-03-04T08:05:00.004-07:00

There's this thing I've learned over the last few years. See, I'm quick to be defensive. I've always been like that, it's one of the things I dislike about myself. I've got many faults and one of the ones that bothers me the most is that I take things personally, and I get defensive. See, I'm not a contentious person. I don't like to fight, I don't like to argue, and sometimes a healthy discussion becomes even too heated for my liking.

So a few years ago I had an amazing bishop, Bishop Brown from our church in California. We'd just left Vegas to escape the constant arguing that occurred when my ex would see the kids for his visitation. When I moved, I was damaged. Defensive. Angry. A person who held things in and then blew up later on people who didn't deserve it, my sweet husband and kids. It was killing me, it was hurting them. I couldn't lose weight, I couldn't sleep, I had no energy, I stayed up nightly just stewing about things that were truly so trivial. I had to ask for help.

So I learned over time and many visits how to just turn it off. How to say "ok, I don't want to do this" and then literally walk out of the situation. Stewing on something was like a cancer. for real. I was sick. Physically ill and doctors were puzzled at what was the cause of my many, many symptoms. It was something that just kept me in a hole that was dark and angry and really, who wants to be there?

I began to meditate. Yes, meditate. It sounds wonky or new agey, but really, it's not. It's peaceful. Prayer is meditation. Taking long walks and thinking about positive things is meditation. I LOVE meditating, love it so much.

Lately, there have been a lot of situations that have caused me to become defensive or angry again. I've had to remove myself from these situations. I always start out with my take on all of these situations, I think of calling people when they're hurting my kids, or when someone's made comments on my situation or statuses on Facebook etc. and then I realize after my blood boils for a minute that waiiiiit a minute here...I'm putting MYSELF in this situation. I can walk out. And that's what I try to do.

I find myself on Facebook often, watching what my friends do, reading their updates and that's fantastic and I love it all, but really, I spend an awful lot of time feeling like I'm having to defend what I say. Why would I want to do that? Sure, it took MONTHS of prodding to get my husband to talk to someone about our fitness, and then I excitedly commented about it, and within minutes, it was being criticized and called into question. This was so damaging, it had to be removed before he saw it. As a matter of fact, if he reads this particular blog, it might just still be damaging, but not as defeating as it would have been for him to read other people's contradicting arguments and "expert" advice that differed GREATLY from what we had just learned...from a REAL expert who understood our unique and individual levels of diet and personal exercise goals. I had to remove it. I had to. This is Facebook though, everyone can weigh in with their ideas and that's awesome! and I love it! Really, I love the interaction. I'm a social butterfly, for hells sake. But if anyone knows the struggle I've had over the last 4-5 years to get my health, AND MIKE to do something about our/HIS overall health (not his weight! Seriously!) you might just understand a bit more why it had to be removed.

Now sure, a healthy discussion is one thing. I'm ALL for that. As a matter of fact, I love it. I love talking about things that enhance my personal knowledge, but when it takes that turn where it becomes contentious or damaging, I have to walk out. I choose to.

Having teenagers is the same way. I feel like when they start to argue with me, I have to mentally back out and just be peace. And that's what I do. I find peace somewhere other than where I am. It's healthy for me, and that's how it works. It makes me feel better.

Mike and I are on the healthy train once this baby comes. I realize it is easier for us to do it together, and he does it better when I'm doing it with him and encouraging him to do it. We'll be back on our walks and runs, and I'll be cooking again for our weight loss diet. We consult with people who know what they're talking about and we've carefully gone over our personal weight, our personal goals, and our personal plan for intensities and times for our workouts. I can't wait to get started.

I trust this person. He's got a 4 year degree in what he does. I know what is possible for us, and I don't plan on arguing about it with anyone. It's what we're doing, and it's what our bodies can do and what they can burn. We're not going on the ranch for Biggest Loser working out 8 hours per day and I'm certainly not 350+ lbs. I will not burn 1000 calories in 1.5-2 hours of walking and running, I can guarantee you that. I'm lucky to get to 300 calories, maybe 350 calories if I run. In an hour+. With 5 lb. weights in my hands.

I love meditating, I love walking and I actually enjoy a run thrown in there, especially if I have good music. I love being to the point in my life where I can walk away from things I PERSONALLY FIND UNCOMFORTABLE and really, that's what works for me. There's a fine line between a "discussion" and a "fight". I avoid the latter. It's all part of me being healthy. I seriously don't take offense...truly!...I just walk off! I don't like the feeling I get when I feel defensive. It's not a "good" feeling, and really, who WANTS to feel like that? "Not I" said the fly.

For now I don't really have the time to check Facebook all the time and we're not in a position where I can spend money on a phone that updates me all the time on people's doings and goings on there. My kids who've earned phones need them more than I do, and I have almost 7 kids. I can't and won't be in front of a computer all day. Me leaving Facebook for the most part is because I have other priorities, and those start with me. I am a happier mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter and neighbor when I'm doing what's important, and the internet for an hour or more per day isn't that.

Blogging...now that's a different animal. For example, all of my kids are in bed and Mike's finishing some work on his laptop, so I'm writing this and then (magic! pshh...old news) I can schedule for this to be published at a later date! That's how I find the time to blog. I write the night before when I have the time, then the next day when I've slept on what I have to say (and maybe even hurry on before it's published and edit stuff super quick!) I let it get published. Now, this will still update to Facebook via NetworkedBlogs, but that's also automatic! Gotta love the internet. Thank heavens Al Gore invented it. What a GENIUS. ;)

Now, back to the health topic really quick, if I could look like this by Christmas, then I'll tell you what, that might be the best present I could have...EVER. (Oh and Mike too. He might enjoy that a little bit too...hehe)

(PS guys, COMMENT ON THIS! I'm interested in what you think. And if you don't feel like you have anything to say to me, don't! I can talk to silent faces, no worries. But this is my main interaction with you guys anymore, and I am not angry with anyone, and you can comment even if you don't have a blog! Just click on "say what" down below and where you can put your name and URL, enter your name...and you don't even have to have a stinkin URL! Just let me know how you feel about stuff. I really do appreciate all of my friends and family and associates and strangers alike weighing in (get it...weigh? pun totally unintended here) and I'm inviting you to let me know how you feel about anything, about any topic I plan on writing about here. Share stories about your personal weight loss, about your personal thoughts about what I've said here, about your personal love for Heidi Klum. Hell, I don't care. I'm just not doing this on FB anymore. Feel welcomed here. It's like coming over for a little talk in my family room, except instead of sucking down a 42 oz. coke slurpee with you I'm going to go ahead and be munching on carrots and stuff getting ready for my ride on the healthy train again soon)

(oh and I do reserve the right to delete a hateful comment. It is MY blog, you know)

Product Review!

2011-03-02T09:36:00.002-07:00

I am in NO way paid to endorse or test anything, but everyone knows that I have lots of kids and have lots of things to buy for myself and my husband and my kids, so there you go. I'm a huuuuuuuuuge consumer in this world and I thought I'd review something every week or so, who knows, it may be every day if I get excited about something or some place off the bat. We'll see.

Today, I'm obsessed with Spin Pins. Actually, Good Housekeeping has given Goody and the Spin Pin the VIP Very Innovative Award for 2010. (click!) It's well deserved.

See, I have super fine hair. This in no way means I have thin hair. Thin hair means your follicles aren't many on your head, giving you thin hair. As a matter of fact, you can have thick hair per strand, even coarse hair per strand but still have thin hair. Likewise, you can have super fine hair per strand but tons and tons of it. The latter is me. As a matter of fact, my aunt Dawn back in the day used to color my hair and for real, every time she'd sit me down in the chair she'd start coloring my hair and say "why do I always forget that you have tons of hair?!?" and have to remix another batch or three of color because really, I have tons of hair. My sisters do too. It runs in our family. Anyway, here's my dilemma (and I'm sure many of you can understand me...it's really common) I have a lot of hair and I have really LONG hair right now. (Long for me...right past the middle of my back) With 6+ kids I don't always have time to curl my flowing locks into a beautifully placed do like our friend Carrie Underwood. (mine's longer though. Ha, Carrie. I win)

(How cute is she?)

So on those days (almost every day) when I don't have time to do my hair like Carrie Underwood (time? What's time?) I pull my hair up. My neighbor friends can attest to this. My hair is in a pony tail pretty much every day. And because I have a BILLION hairs (but fine per strand, like kitten hair soft) I can't use things like bobby pins (slip out unless I use forty ninety eleven of them) and other kinds of simple hair puller-uppers. I have to either put it in a pony tail or nothin. So when I saw the commercial for Spin Pins last year, I immediately dismissed the thought of using them because really, what do 2 spinny things have to offer me? Really. What?

I'll freakin tell you what. THEY ARE A MIRACLE FROM HEAVEN.

No really. They are shockingly amazing. I put Kenzie's hair into them last night and she about passed out. She isn't one to get really excited about something but she ran upstairs to see if I'd pulled some magic trickery on her. It's that easy and remarkable.

Let me give you the steps to making my hair into a bun before:

rat the crap out of my hair
smooth the "visible" parts of hair so that it doesn't look like orangutans live in it (please pronounce it "orr-ann'-goo-tans" if you will)
put hair into an elastic band (the kind that aren't rubber. That hurts people. Plus I don't get the newspaper so why would I have rubber bands anyway?)
twirl hair into a tight twist
wrap into a bun shape
pin the crap out of it with (and I'm not joking) 20-30 bobby pins
put my arms down because they've been up for 5 minutes and this ain't The Biggest Loser and my arms aren't buff even though the rest of my body is. (ha!)

Pony tail? Yes please. That's the only way I can think of doing my hair that doesn't cause massive shaking of my arms. See, I'm preventing earthquakes here.

So I open the Spin Pins and I read the directions. There are 2 things on the list. TWO. So here's how I made my hair into a bun yesterday:

Twist hair into a bun
Spin 1 Spin Pin in from the top and 1 Spin pin in from the bottom making sure not to get them twisted into each other.

That's it.

And it worked.

IT WORKED, PEOPLE!!! I even did a huge head bang not unlike one you'd do if you were listening to Enter Sandman by Metallica. (right click and open in a new tab because when it gets to about 55 seconds in...you'll understand. Oh and my sister Eliza and I who are mostly hip-hoppers loooooooooooove this song and this entire album. Sorry mom and dad. True story)

MY HAIR DIDN'T MOVE FOR THE REST OF THE DAY/NIGHT! Guys, these things are a miracle. They're a treasure. I want to make out with them.

They're not super cheap, about $6 for 2, but they're cheap enough for me to justify. Messy bun? No problem! Side bun so I can look effortless yet still hip? Pshh, no big whoop! Bun for church that looks cute but still like I wake up this gorgeous? Oh yeah, no big deal at all.

Go get some. Oh and they come in dark ones for brunettes and light ones for blondes. I don't think they make them for redheads, so sorry to all my ginger friends. You're outta luck. ;)

The Blogger Etiquette Post (aka The One Wherein I Ramble Again)

2011-03-01T20:41:00.003-07:00

Ok, I'm going to do something here. I've noticed a few things since Facebook started getting huge and it bothers me to no end. See, the blogging world has been around longer than Facebook and I was one of the first people to discover it. As a matter of fact, I was going through a terribly bitter separation and divorce and had to keep all of the horrible details to myself for many many reasons, and my only outlet was blogging. I was so embarrassed of having a failed marriage, I couldn't share anything with my family and friends. It was terrible. I felt so alone, and I put myself into a really dark place. I remember one day my dad gave me an "intervention" of sorts because the only thing they would believe about my massive trauma going down in my abusive home was that a) I was addicted to the internet (told to my parents by the crazy liar of an ex) and that b) I had a boyfriend who I was having babies with (hahaha! anyone know Mike? yeaaaah...that's exactly who he is, let alone who I AM) who was destroying my Perfect Little American Family. Crazy. True, I knew Mike, but we were seriously just really amazing frineds. But to address the first one, the internet addiction. At night, when my kids would go to bed or while they were at school, I would blog. I was new to blogging and blogging was new to the world. I remember being a "Beta Tester" for blogger as a matter of fact.

The format was crude (you can't believe how un-user-friendly it was) and it was really hard to manage, but it was exactly what I needed. My bishop suggested I keep a journal of my feelings and frustrations since I wasn't really "venting" to anyone, and this was the way to do it. I could keep it anonymous and open and really talk about my truthful feelings. It was my literal saving grace for about 2 years while my separation order ran out not once, but twice due to a certain someone who refused to mediate the divorce and also refused to do any kind of therapy. My blog was my therapy.

Before I knew it, I had followers. People tuned in to read my frank account of a 30 year old LDS woman going through a terrible divorce. I wrote about every gory detail (anonymous, remember?) and talked about my feelings, my fears, my frustrations, and to tell the truth, the comments made me feel less alone. When my (now) ex-husband would go to my parents house to spout unbelievable lies about me, I couldn't defend myself. So I cried about it, wrote a draft, then published it in the morning after I'd slept on it. It worked miracles. Miracles people. I found myself in my writing. How could I not? I was faced with my harsh truth, the reality of who I really was...all in my blog.

Back to the intervention. My dad called me and told me to suck it up and work it out with my husband. I understand exactly why he did it, he was only hearing one side of it and I was too hurt to defend myself over and over to him, so I just kept quiet. He'd had a talk with the ex, and had come to understand that I was a crazy person, my ex threw my past (like seriously 15 years in the past) in my face and guess what, it worked. It was easier to believe that I was suddenly crazy and just losing my mind for no reason to leave my family for some crazy black man. He told them that Mike was a sex predator talking to Tiffany, he even showed them some crazy email online from Mike (totally fake) and had Tiffany crying and saying that it was true. She came home that night and broke down and told me what happened, and my incredibly "in tune" mom suddenly saw the light that night. She said she looked over at the ex while she was supposed to be reading the "email" from "Mike" and saw him smirking. It was then that they realized that he was and had always been full of crap. Time, thankfully, has shown his true nature. He doesn't see the kids, he pays child support about 1/10th of the time (I'm being generous here) and through the last 6 years, they, and everyone in my life, has seen who he is and always was. And it wasn't because of my smack talk or my blog, it was because of his actions. (remember, actions speak louder than words?)

So back to the blog. The only way to vent my frustration without breaking every window in every neighborhood in Vegas was to blog. My dad, remember, the intervention, he told me that they thought I was addicted to the internet. Of course, they were going by what the ex said, but really...it was blogging that I was doing. Instead of being harassed by my ex at night, I'd lock my door to avoid the verbal and emotional abuse and hole kicking in walls and punching of walls and things and breaking in of doors that splintered into pieces, I'd lock the door and blog. Blog. My dad told me he thought I was addicted and what I said to him was "But I'm blogging". Blogging was so new and foreign to everyone still, he told me "I don't really know what that means, but we do know that it's a chat room. Chat rooms are dangerous and can be pornographic and people have affairs and do bad things in chat rooms." Bless his heart, but he didn't know. I WAS BLOGGING. I have about 20 followers still who can attest to this. I was blogging. They've been here the whole time. (I'm looking at you Deja, Dima, Sherri, Melanie, Leslie, Kristen, Brooks and Bethany to name a few)

So back to blogging. Now it's accepted. It's actually encouraged finally by the First Presidency of my church. Heck, the church has a blog or six!

But here's where I hate what's happened to blogging. BLOGGING IS NO LONGER INTERACTIVE. It makes me want to quit. Seriously. I want to quit, or just go private to everyone but me. People don't react, they don't make comments, they don't share their stories in comments, they don't say anything. Now, I don't feed off of the comments, but I sure miss the friendship building that comes out of it. 8 years ago, I met some of my best friends through blogging. It was me sharing my life, and others sharing their thoughts about it. Facebook has made it so everyone can be lazy. They can click on my link and read, and then be like "cool. whatever."

Life's so impersonal as it is...and the internet is so amazing, I've met people from all over the world. LITERALLY ALL OVER THE WORLD. Can I name the countries and states in which I have friends? I could, but it would be boring for all of you.

Anyway, I came across a blog that I love a few weeks ago and she had a link to blogging etiquette. She's so spot on. There are many more rules to blogging, and I'd love to list them out but she did such a great job, I've copied and pasted the rules here for you. I give FULL credit for these for the amazingly talented Kristan from "Confessions of a Cookbook Queen" and while you're clicking that link back there, please go visit her blog. Seriously, if I could make cakes like that I'd give my right and left pinkies. For realsies.

Now on with the list:

1. Be yourself.

One thing I've learned since I began blogging is that people will love you no matter what, as long as you're honest. Are you a neat freak? Is your house a mess? Do you REALLY like bacon, or are you just a self professed "bacon addict" because it seems cool? In the blogging world, cool is being who you are and loving yourself, perfections AND imperfections included.

2. Be good to your readers. You were one once, too.

I was a blog reader WAY before I was a blog writer, and honestly, I still spend more time on OTHER blogs than I do my own. I cannot stress how important it is to never forget that fact. When my blog was barely a month old (and I had NO CLUE how to take a picture) I sent an email to Bakerella. And she replied!! I cannot even express what that did for my morale. It was like meeting a celebrity, in a way. These days, I get quite a few emails myself and I can only imagine how full her inbox must have been. It makes the fact that she took the time to reply mean that much more.

3. Leave a comment.

Let's face it. Bloggers thrive on comments. Our posts and pictures are the sunshine and water, but comments are the beautiful flowers that sprout up as the result of our hard work. If you have a blog, you know this better than anyone else. So when you visit a blog, do as you would have done unto you and leave a comment. I am very guilty of popping on various blogs and not commenting because I think that the blogger is so fabulous, they don't need to hear from me. But I should know better, and I am making a conscious effort to leave a comment after every visit.

4. Give proper credit.

If you see something on another blog and love it so much that you decide to spend hours of your time recreating, photographing,and writing about it, it deserves more than a footnote at the end of your post and you know it. We all feed off of each other's ideas and inspire one another and that's fine. But when you downright copy something from another blog, repay them for the fabulous idea by throwing a little praise and maybe a new reader or two their way.

5. Do not namedrop.

Just like in the real world, we all have some people we are closer to or relate to more than others. But to use that friendship as a way of impressing people is just tacky. This isn't high school and you weren't invited to hang out with the head cheerleader. We're all adults here, and when you name drop simply for selfish reasons, it's completely obvious to everyone, name drop-ee included.

6. Do not correct a fellow blogger's spelling or grammar in a comment.

For real. If I was talking to you in front of a huge group of people and noticed your fly was down, I wouldn't loudly point it out in front of everyone. I'd find a way to pull you aside and tell you quietly. Same thing here. Send a friendly email, and let them know so they can fix it before anyone else catches it. It's the right thing to do.

7. Never say anything on your blog that you wouldn't say in person.

The only exception to this rule is "LOL" because I realize that no one, (besides my 12 year old stepdaughter and her friends) says that in real life. The Internet is not an invincibility shield. What we say is in print, and can be forwarded and printed out and saved for all eternity. So mean what you say and be willing to stand behind your words.

8. If you feature someone on your blog, let them know.

I can't tell you how many times I've noticed a spike in my traffic, only to find out that I was featured on a blog and not notified. It's like throwing a party in someone's honor and not inviting them. Let them know so they can stop by and read your kind words and all the comments your readers left in response. It really means a lot and can totally make a blogger's day.

9. Promote a blog you like.

Don't be a lurker. If you love a blog, visit it frequently, and know that they could benefit from you letting your readers know, do it. I have gained so many readers from bloggers like Cheryl (TidyMom) and Bridget (Bake at 350) taking the time to retweet my posts and letting their readers know that they like what I'm doing. We could all learn a lesson or two from ladies like them, and they are who I look up to and use as my own example.

10. Never, ever plagiarize.

Our words and pictures are our heart and soul. To steal them is to steal the small piece of our world that says, "this is who I am." Don't do that. It's really unforgivable.

K, so I know this was long and rambly, but really, the Facebook has made it so people can just look into your life and just know what you're doing and then there's no true interaction. A "like" or a comment on my Facebook link to my blog just makes me sad. I kind of take offense! (Remember, I'm pregnant and emotional, and you can just mock me now...but do it in my comments)

My sweet cousin Rachel who's young and sweet and an amazing hair dresser made a post about this same thing the other day, and it inspired me to write this. I have been trying to figure out how to post this, and I've actually lost sleep over it but I realized that if I just explained how important blogging is to me, and how it literally and I do mean LITERALLY saved my life during those dark years of my divorce, it might just explain why blogging is such an important part of my life. I think I might even cancel my Facebook just because it's so two-thousand-and-late and I'm over it. Who knows.

Anyway, you don't have to comment here, but I wanted to tell you how I felt about it. I will continue to comment on your blogs, because really...commenting is nice to do!

K, so don't take offense, and guess what we made for dinner. French Bread Pizzas. I know you care and that's why I told you.

That's a picture of Harper being "Harper" and Lola being all "Wtf dude, step off. Mom wants to take pictures of me ...not YOU...mmm'kay?"

Remember, it takes time and effort to blog. The least you can do is say "Amen". ;) (Oh church, you make me laugh some times...)

♥,

A

Mondays Are The Suck But Who Cares?

2011-02-28T12:41:00.001-07:00

Lola's hair is pulled up into a high ponytail on the very top of her head today. All of it, from the neck up is in there and it still sticks up about 5 inches from her head in the little elastic band we use for her hair. We call them pretties and she doesn't fight the hairdo when we keep telling her how pretty she is. "Pretty like Marie!!!" She loves Marie the cat from The Aristocats. It's adorable.

Harper is laying next to her while she has her arm slung over him. They're watching Bubble Guppies together and it might be the cutest thing I've ever seen. Speaking of cute, you should see the grin that comes over Lola's fat fat face and the dancing that ensues when she hears this song in every episode:

My house isn't spotless, I need to de-clutter and vacuum my bedroom, there are clothes to be washed in hampers in the laundry room, a few pots from last night are still in the sink, but we're not in any rush. There's too much to do today.

Today is "shot" day for Lola and Harper. Harper's only solace is that he has to be strong for Lola when she gets hers. He keeps telling me that he's not going to cry because he wants Lola not to cry. How awesome that she gets 3 big brothers, 2 big sisters and 1 little brother (soon!)?

I'm typing here in my computer chair sitting crosslegged or "indian style" as we called it when we were little. I keep bending forward at the waist to read something on my monitor a bit closer and while doing so, I crush the baby in my belly. He is big enough now to protest, and his little feet go up against my hips and his head into my ribs and he pushes. He is you know, around 4 lbs now. I've only got 8 weeks left, but with my history, that means 4-6. We're under the 60 days mark now. I'm due 2 days before Kate Middleton and Prince William are scheduled to be married, so thanks to the websites counting down the days to that, I've got a little reminder every time we go to any of the gossip sites.

Life is simple these days. Busy, but simple. We have a schedule with each of the kids, we know what's going on and when it's got to be done. Unfortunately, Mike is gone from the crack of dawn way past sunset, and I'm a bus driver/laundress/chef/owie kisser/homework enforcer/cleaner/bill payer. Soon we'll just add another car seat to the bus. Speaking of, anyone want to sell us an old suburban for cheap?

Now if I could just afford for someone to come and clean my bathrooms, that would make my happy face even more happy!

Is It Really Time For My 20 Year Reunion???

2011-02-24T12:09:00.002-07:00

I remember a hot summer day way back in 1987 at Sunset Park in Las Vegas. My mom got us all in the car with my dad and we headed off to the "other side of town". When we got there, the airplanes flying overhead were so loud and the grass was mostly dead, it was July in Vegas, you know. There was a buffet of bbq food and coolers of drinks, and we'd follow my mom around while she'd say "Oh hiiiiiii *insert name here*!!! So good to see you! You look amazing! These are my kids!" and she'd introduce us 1 by one. Ashley was very small. It was my job to look after her, which was fine. I wasn't excited about talking with adults I didn't know, I was you know...FOURTEEN. What 14 year old likes talking to "old" people they don't know? Maybe Doogie Howser, MD or something. (whoa, I just dated myself again, didn't I?)

So it was a devastating shock the other day when I opened up my Facebook and saw messages from some old friends who I keep in touch with. These weren't just "hey, how are ya?" messages though. The subject line had me frozen in my chair...and I'm not exaggerating here. The subject line was as follows:

WHS Class of 91' 20 Year Reunion Facebook Page Invitation

Needless to say, I had to go get me a strong one. (Mt. Dew for me, kids. Who do you think I am anyway?!)
I had already been added to the site, and as I went through the list of names, I realized I was already friends with 90% of the people there. Not too shabby, considering my mom had lost touch with most of the people she went to school with! Those were the olden days though (the 80's...duh) and they didn't have Social Media. Anyway...the reunion's in July. Color me trippin.

So has it really been that long? I guess it has. I have an 18 year old daughter, working on my 7th baby, been married twice, lived in 4 states, owned 3 homes...yeah. It's been that long.

So guess who was on Jimmy Fallon last night. Uhhh....Bel freakin Biv Devoe, that's who. Yeah, and guess what. They were awesome. 2 songs. So rad. Totally reminds me of 10th grade. Check it out:

Now you know.

Lola may or may not have been dancing like a stripper just now, but really, isn't baby bootie bouncing kind of stripperish? Can't blame the babies for that one. (I'm lookin at YOU, strippers...) (Actually, I don't think I know any strippers, but I just wanted to say that I did) (You know, because if you're raised in Vegas all your friends are strippers and pimps, right?) (right.)

Oh and can I make another statement? Why do reunions always have to be scheduled when it's 147° in Vegas? Can't we just have done this in October when it's actually NICE at night? Over.

Such A Heavy Heart

2011-02-16T16:33:00.000-07:00

Do you ever see something on someone's facebook, or on their blog, or in person...and it just makes you crazy? Not crazy in a good way either, crazy in a "These people are so dishonest"/ "These people are such hypocrites" kind of way?

Look, I'm the first person to admit that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I was just telling Mike the other night that on a daily basis I find myself thinking "why did I even say that to that person? Did I offend her/him?" and when I look back later I'm just being overly emotional. I'm careful with what I say, I'm not a mean hearted person, but still, I worry that I'll offend someone. I'm that person who worries. Heh.

So everyone knows I am divorced. Everyone knows I'm remarried. Everyone knows that my kids THRIVE in this household. My kids, they're good people and they're doing so well in their lives. They're happy people, they're caring people and I'm so proud of who they are.

But there's this back side to our story. A side where there's hurt, and there's a lot of neglect, and there's a lot of lying and fake fake fakeness. A couple women on the other side are known to be really mean, starting fights and horrible verbal attacks that happen every time the kids are with these people. These people don't live near one another, nor do they live near us, but when they all get together...my kids...ALL OF THEM who go...they will call me and tell me about the attack in the bathroom where they were yelled at and attacked or the time where one of them ran out the door like a 9 year old and then the kids get blamed for the "adult" person's actions. Then this same family wonders why the kids don't want to go to family gatherings. (the two women in question are really good friends now. My kids have shown me things online that aren't shocking to me, but they're shocking to the kids. I just point out that people like to be around people who are "like" them...so it shouldn't be shocking that these two particular people are so friendly with each other. Birds of a feather...right?)

So here I sit, knowing that I need to encourage them to visit these people. AND THEY SHOULD. It's important to their development to "know" all of the sides of their family. They have love on that side, but the attackers...man...they sure make it hard for the kids to want to go.

My dilemma is constant. My issues are no harder than anyone else's in the world and I am so blessed and loved and surrounded by people who SEE this and KNOW this situation, and as much as I would like to just step in and defend the kids, they have to see this and learn how to deal with it on their own. This will continue throughout their lives. Unfortunate, isn't it?

Today a storm is blowing in. The cool air circles around my bedroom as I type this and I have such a heavy heart. My kids are old enough to assure me that they see who takes care of them. They know that we keep our mouths shut, Mike and I...and we don't talk bad about that side even though the kids come and tell us about all of the filth and bile that gets spewed about us. My kids are old enough and smart enough. I have to just trust that they won't let the hurt attach itself to their hearts. My heart aches for their sweet and tender spirits that have to deal with it.

So what else can you do but pray for them and hope for the best? I'd certainly like to know.

Love Day!!!

2011-02-15T17:19:00.004-07:00

For years and years, Valentines Day meant I had to help kids address a billion Iron Man/Barbie/Care Bear cards for their 33 friends in their classes. It also meant having to be heart broken when for the special day, my (ex)spouse would bring me a card and some turtle wax and a bucket...as a gift...to wash my own car. Or we'd go to dinner (Burger King) and I'd get a good hearty talking to about how I should exercise. So much love abounding. So much.

Now it is something different.

Now it's about REAL LOVE.

Yesterday started out with Harper and Lola and I (Lola just makes messes, but whatever) making 6 dozen french vanilla cupcakes. We lined the muffin pan with pretty wrappers and spooned in the delicious batter and I'd hate to tell you (especially those of you who actually GOT some of these cupcakes) how many times I'd catch Harper or Lola dipping their little fingers right into the batter. Whoops!

When the other kids got home, we frosted and sprinkled them and took them around to friends and neighbors and family who lived close.

Mike came home to us and I'd been planning to give him his gift at dinner, but the kids were too excited to wait, so we gave it to him as he came in the door. Harper was pulling his hair out with anticipation. He's been keeping the secret of what it was for 3 weeks. Kinda tough for a 4 year old!

Anyway, he opened it, loved it, thanked us all and I got lots of smooches right there in the kitchen! Oh and we got him this:

He broke his 9 months ago, and it's his BFF, so of course, he got a new one. Lucky boy! It's the newest one with the HD video camera. I can't wait to see what he does with it. He's a creator.

We then went to dinner at Spark and had the Valentine's 5 Course Dinner. (click!) Holy moly it was good. Mike and I don't do big Christmases for each other, as a matter of fact, for the last 3 years we haven't gotten each other anything really. With us giving all of our kids big Christmas day's (whether they're with us or not. Some of them went to their dad's house, but we always, regardless, do Christmas for them) we don't always have any money left so we typically do big Valentines Day and then big anniversary stuff in September. It breaks it up, we celebrate in a big way every 6 months...and that works for us.

Can I tell you how much I love my husband? He is the most tender hearted, generous, sweet, smart, loving, sexy, affectionate man I could ever want. I am the luckiest girl in the world because I get to spend my life with him. He's the best father out there, and he teaches all of our kids, every one of them, how to be good human beings. They're learning how to be a patient spouse, how to be a good constant provider, how to work hard even if you don't like the job you're doing. He's one of the most amazing men I know and he joins a list of men in my life who I admire. (my dad, my brother, my brother in law...) These boys of mine will be better husbands because of his example, and my girls will seek out nothing but the best for themselves and their future because they know it's possible to have a man as good as he is.

I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection. Sigmond Freud

(I borrowed that from my friend Magsters, thanks sweetpea!)

Be thankful for love. Be grateful for every tender moment you get to spend with your family. I find I'm more thankful on Valentine's Day than I am on Thanksgiving because Valentine's Day reminds me of how much love I have in my life.

My 6 kids, they are constantly with me. How many people can say that their teenagers want to spend their days and weekends with them all the time? How many people in the world don't have a partner who understands them, who is on their level intellectually? Really friends, look at your life and be thankful for all of the love you have around you! ♥

And now, a song that always makes me think about Michael, my babe. Cheesy I know...but c'mon, it's VALENTINE'S DAY FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!!!

by my bff Luther Vandross, RIP :(

Oh Man, I Tend To Ramble Don't I?

2011-02-09T09:24:00.000-07:00

Don't you find a good night's sleep almost always helps you feel better? Me too...usually. Today I woke up feeling tired, sad, ticked off that I actually had to get up and live today. But then I realized something else, I woke up! That's good right?

I'm totally one of those people who never EVER exaggerates and I'm seriously never dramatic or overly emotional, which is fortunate for everyone I know, especially my husband. I re-read what I posted last night and honestly, I didn't feel like I was being any of these adorable qualities I listed above when I typed it. Horrible stuff all happened last night. Anyway, let's not get into that right now, it'll just make me not want to do laundry today.

So I gotta tell you, I'm pretty in love with baby jeggings. (click!) You guys, they're seriously the cutest thing. Lola's got a big ol' case of the well...how do I put this delicately? Hmm. How 'bout I just say "baby got back". How's that? Too mean for a mom to say? Oh well, in 7 years when she's able to read my archives on here and she comes across this she won't even care because at least I didn't say the "f-a-t" word. Plus, baby bums are supposed to be huge. Not mom bums. But that's a different topic, and I'll just sit here and be grateful that my rad hubby likes my big fat mom bum. Or at least he doesn't complain about it. 2 points for Mike.

So yesterday I was at Walmart and as usual, Lola was fuh-reaking out because we weren't standing by the fish tanks yelling at the fish (well, she yells. She isn't mad, she isn't happy, she just screams at them and then fake laughs to herself about it) anymore and I took her to her favorite part of the store (after the fish tanks, o'course) which is the girl clothes section. And no, I'm not kidding. She's 10 months old and she sees us coming to clothes (in ANY store, for that matter) and it's spooky. She gets silent and her eyes get big and she makes this cute "oooh" face and she's in heaven. Can you even imagine how much this kid's gonna cost me when she's 12 and impressionable and when her friends have a certain designer and she doesn't and it's not faaaaiiiir!!! ? Yeah, we'll let daddy deal with her then.

Aaaaanyway, baby jeggings. So my baby has a big bum. And fat fat fat thighs. Jeans don't fit her. Khakis don't fit her. Only leggings and really, how warm are leggings in Utah in the winter? So I typically do the tights/leggings combo, but then she's too confined and she's miserable. So I see these dark blue denim jeans and I grab a pair and hold them up to lil' Miss Fatty Fatpants's waist. Ohhh...they fit. How about the thighs? Yep. They fit. AND they're stretchy! Best part of all? $3.50. Oh yeah, you read that right. So I bought 5 pairs. I have to say though, she's really tall, so I bought a few in 18 months and a couple in 24 months and when we got home the 18 month ones fit perfectly. She's a big kid, y'all.

I wish I could wear them. I know I know, you'll all think "so wear them!" to me but really, who wants to see a lady walking down the street on what appears to be two sacks of fighting cats with feet at the end? That's pretty much the jist of it.

Maybe when I look like Mila Kunis after I have this baby and work out for a while (riiiiiiight) I'll put some on while I do laundry. Now that's a goal I can stick with. (the laundry/jeggings combo, maybe not the "looking like Mila Kunis" part, but a girl can shoot for the stars right?)

_________________________________________________

Yesterday was my Casey's birthday! He's 12! I'll tell you all about our little dinner party tomorrow after we've taken some pictures because last night, after my breakdown, let's just say nobody had a party and there may or may not have been crying (me) and door slamming (me) and stomping around complaining about how so-and-so always gets away with illegal activities (also said by me, but not about me) and an eventual pass out in bed while watching the last two episodes of Glee on the DVR (once again, by me).

More to come.

Flames...Flames On The Side Of My Face

2011-02-08T20:03:00.003-07:00

This is how I feel about today. When she says "Yvette", just pretend she's saying "This day".

Things aren't always roses and candy and big puffy hearts that float around your head and today proved that to me. Why do things always happen at once?

I'm looking for the good that might come out of this trash. Life sucks sometimes...and I'm like that camel down there. Today was a big-A straw that broke my back.

(please excuse me while I continue with my pity party. I'm hormonal and I found out some really messed up stuff tonight. Let's just all have a moment of silence while I cry and hug it out with my freakin pillow)

I Can't Stop Sneezing!!!

2011-02-07T14:11:00.003-07:00

I really can't. I sneeze because of this dang tickle in my left nostril. This wouldn't be a problem normally but guess what else I do when I'm 7 months pregnant, besides toss and turn...I PEE! So now we have a running tally.

When I throw up, I pee (click!)
When I sneeze, I pee

I am SO DAMN CUTE/SESSY* CAN YOU EVEN HARDLY STAND IT?!?!?!

*sexy and sassy put together. I totally just invented that word and I love it so muuuuuuuch you guys

Dear Children,

2011-02-04T14:23:00.005-07:00

First I have to give you a compliment because it's always good to start with a positive. You are all really good at making me laugh. You're some funny kids, ev'ry one-uh you. I like that. I like that a lot.

Now, I have to say something to you. First of all, washing clothes is not fun. I don't mind putting them in the washer, I don't mind moving them from the washer to the dryer, and heck, I don't even mind folding all the stuff out of the dryer or hanging it on hangers but for the LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY would it be possible for you to actually put your clothes...listen up now, this is important...AWAY???

Here is a list things that you should NOT do with your clean clothes after I have washed, dried and folded them:

put them on your bed, and then onto the floor when you go to bed for the night later on
put them on the floor
put them on top of your dresser
put them on the bottom of your closet
put them on top of your tv
put them into the dirty clothes hamper
shove them into a single drawer without worrying if the drawer will shut or not (*hint* it will not. Not with 4 loads of jeans and jackets shoved into it, I can promise you that)

Now there are many many more places you could put them but I assure you, if they're not put AWAY, where they go, it doesn't count.

Another thing, if I find clean clothes that haven't even been unfolded in your hamper which has been stuffed with real dirty clothes? I will throw it away.

Some of you may wonder where your favorite shirts are on occasion. You may have even asked me where they were and when I answered "I dunno" I wasn't lying because guess what, I don't know where the garbage man takes the garbage when he takes it out of the cans in front of my house. I don't know! I don't. It's a true story.

One more thing. If it's not in a hamper IN the laundry room, not on the floor of the laundry room next to the hamper, it will not be washed. I will throw that away too.

Maybe when you're all down to a single outfit per person you'll remember this and think "Crap, my mom's mean" but what you should really do is remember this and think "this was totally preventable".

Love,

Mama

p.s., exempt from this are Harper and Lola, for obvious reasons. Harper, you're bordering on qualifying for this. Come July when you're 5...it's on buddy. Learn now or forever hold your peace.

(in case you were wondering, all of those places listed above as unacceptable places to throw clothes are real places my children have actually been known to stash clean clothes. For realsies. Awesome huh)

2011-02-03T16:44:00.004-07:00

So many reasons I'm excited about this new baby.

Here's my biggest reason today.

(mike with baby Lola last spring)

(♥ hubba hubba ♥)

I love this man so much, and to see him with a teeny tiny...I just fall apart.

Eating More Healthily

2011-02-02T15:54:00.000-07:00

Mike and I try to cook in our house at least 6 nights a week, with the occasional "Taco Tuesday" from Del Taco thrown in. We're not tiny people we loves to get our eats on, but really, and I mean really, we can go wander a farmer's market or Whole Foods for literally hours. All of the fresh ingredients, wax free fruit, things that just taste better because they're local, we love it.

I can't get my kids to eat oatmeal. I'm not particularly fond of it my self, but lately, I've been craving it. Oatmeal cookies, oatmeal anything. I was searching through blogs and came across this:

http://tidymom.net/2010/baked-peanut-butter-oatmeal/

Now let me tell you now, I'm not super fond of peanut butter, so I'd add raisins and make a glaze (because I'm a sugar addict) but really...doesn't that look good?

All the comments say it's like eating a big chewy oatmeal cookie, but it's BREAKFAST.

WORD.

PS, I wrote this entire thing about healthy food whilst eating a cookie dough brownie. Sick, huh.

Love,

They Both Came "Home" or "Part Two"

2011-02-01T10:47:00.001-07:00

Security guards at the hospital where the baby was knew me by name, but not by my real name. Safety issues caused a stir around both hospitals and we were forced to implement a few measures to ensure that both of my girls were safe, no matter where they were.

Mike had to work and gracious neighbors and friends took care of my home and children for 5 days, feeding them while I barely got to come home. Tiffany asked me to stay with the baby as long as I could, and to get there as soon as I could in the morning...so I did.

Tiffany's doctor wouldn't release her from the hospital and after a few tears, I walked out to the nurses station and told them in no uncertain terms that if they didn't get permission from the doctor, we would be taking her out on her own. Calls later and after Tiffany tearfully begged her doctor for a good 30 minutes, they started prepping her for a release.

I drove her to the hospital where the baby was being kept and she saw the sweet baby girl she hadn't seen in a few days. She held her in the vinyl covered chairs they keep at the bedside of those tiny infants in the NICU. Tubes and wires were starting to be taken out of the baby as the doctors constantly came in and out, remarking every time that this baby was doing amazing things. She wasn't throwing up anymore. She wasn't pale. She wasn't in pain. She was recovering so quickly some of the nurses even thought that she'd been brought in by accident. One nurse said there's a little theory they who have the same faith as us like to call a "Miracle in the Sky". This is when the sickest of babies is flown by life flight to the NICU and somewhere in those skies in between, a miracle occurs. This baby was apparently one of those babies, she was more perfect as the hours went on.

Tiffany sat in that chair from the second she woke up til the hours in the middle of the night when they'd wake her to feed her. I would stay as I could, but for those next 3 days, I went home and took care of my other littles. Leftover food in the fridge prepared by angels around me, notes of love from those same ladies...these things wrapped themselves around my heart and I was surely saved by my sisters in my neighborhood.

One night Tiff expressed to a nurse that she was wavering a bit about what she wanted to do with this baby. Her ideas of placement had suddenly become so much more difficult and Mike and I knew we couldn't help her make this decision, but we definitely had to educate her on what the future would be like either way she chose.

That night, we brought her home. She needed to sleep in her own bed. We brought her in our bedroom and in way too many words drew out the picture of what would happen if she kept the baby and if she didn't. One option clearly brought happiness and a beautiful life to both Tiffany and Maya. This road was also the hardest to step onto initially. The next option would lead to years and years of custody exchanges, lonely weekends, bickering, fear of uncertainty...a future both dark and continually difficult from the start. This way seemed easiest to choose at the moment, but it would be much more painful in the end, with the pain being dragged out for a lifetime.

Mike gave her a blessing and we prayed with her and she went to bed. We told her we loved her either way, would support her decision whatever it was and to get some rest.

The next morning, she called her caseworker in to the NICU and asked for her to bring the relinquishment papers.

In a small room they have set aside for the parents of sick babies, our caseworker met with me and Tiffany and two witnesses and read her the papers. They seemed cold and legal, but necessarily so. They told her that her LEGAL rights to this baby would be terminated. They in no uncertain terms spelled out the facts of her choices. Tears filled her eyes as she signed in all the right places and I sat next to her the entire time, crying for her pain.

Moments after the legal part was done, they asked her if she wanted to bring in the adoptive couple. She said yes. They also brought in Maya. In a moment of sweet peace, Tiffany handed her baby to the family. They in turn read her a letter. I can't share what was in that letter but it was so beautifully written, I will never be able to forget it. Simple words that meant more than just that. These people are truly wonderful people.

We sat for a while longer together and Tiffany and I left to get her something to eat. They let her stay one more night with the baby, and on a cold, windy and snowy morning I once again left Lola and Harper with generous neighbors to go up to pick up Tiffany as the new parents prepared to bring Maya home.

She cried and coo'd with that baby til I got the text that they were down the street, and I helped her get her coat and purse, and we left before they had to pass in the hall for that last time. Tiffany kissed sweet Maya one more time and while I know it felt like it was goodbye forever, we all felt that it was just goodbye for a moment.

A day later, we were there visiting with Maya and her new mommy and daddy at her home. They let Tiff hold her for 2 hours before she kissed her again goodbye as she was preparing to take a month long break from the stress of things.

Through all this, we've learned so much. I can't even begin to list them out, not even one of them is something I can properly put into words right now.

We know this is a beginning and not an end and we look forward to seeing this sweet baby grow up with her new family. This situation is about as open as an adoption could be and the new parents get to choose who they let into Maya's life, but right now we know that Mike and I and all of our kids here are being welcomed as family.

Tiffany is on sabbatical right now, avoiding all cares and troubles that she can while she makes a physical, emotional and mental recovery. Already, there has been an outside source, again keeping up with his email contact, feeding on her impossibly weak state but at this point we have to trust her when she says she feels bad for his sad and lonely life. She's an adult and that's all we can do.

Adoption is a BLESSING and a PRIVILEGE. It's difficult and painful and beautiful and sweet all at the same time. It's changed our family forever.

It's Not All "Cute-stuff" and "Glow"

2011-01-27T16:09:00.003-07:00

I am 28 weeks pregnant with my #7. Yeah. And I’m thirty-something. Call me crazy, go ahead. Back to the story, I’m 28 weeks pregnant right now, and I’m ALSO prone to barfing. And you know what else happens when I barf? I pee. Why, just last week I was at the Gateway watching The Fighter when I felt the urge come on.

I calmly (in a panic) run to the bathroom. See, I know that I pee when I barf, so I prepare. I head straight for the handicapped bathroom, take off my shoes, pants, socks, and I stand there barfing in the toilet and peeing on the floor at the same time. The plus side to all of this?? ? Handicapped bathrooms ALWAYS have drains in the floor.

I clean myself up with wipees that I keep in my bag (I have a 9 month old baby, remember the crazy part?) and dress again, just to wipe my eyes and touch up my lipstick. My husband thinks it’s gross. And he’s right. Pregnancy sucks.

Maya and the Ferocious Starvation Diet or "Part One"

2011-01-13T22:03:00.028-07:00

(this story is too long and crazy to post in one part, so this is the first part of how the earth acquired little Maya, the toughest baby I know)

The most tender of mercies today. There's so much love and snuggly warmth and the tears and giggles and "ooooooo's" and "awwww's" have taken me over. I didn't sleep but 3 hours last night, Mike and I finally collapsing into our bed around 4 am. We were up and at'em just before 8, dressing Lola and Harper for a busy busy day.

Today is fantastic. I will remember January 13, 2011 for the rest of my life.

______________________________________________________________________________

I wrote that literally hours before I got a call from Tiffany, the scared 18 year old daughter that we had just left just before. I wrote that when we thought that the perfect baby who was born to her was just fine. The next 96 hours were the scariest hours of my adult life.

I called Tiffany as we sunk into bed, asking her if she was SURE I could sleep at home that night. She told me that she was going to take a sleeping pill and crash since she'd slept practically zero the night before, what with all the C-Section nonsense. I told her I'd keep my phone next to my head, and I did. Except for one thing. Lola, the incredibly intelligent 9 month old who slept next to us happens to know how to turn the ringer off. (Stupid phone companies. Why put the ringer volume on the SIDE of a phone, where you put your hands when you hold it?!)

I woke up at 4 am with a nagging feeling. Yes, I get those often, what with having 6 kids and all, but this one wouldn't go away. I put my hand over next to my bed and saw the light on my phone illuminate.

"14 Missed Calls"

EXCUSE ME?! I missed calls. In the middle of the night. Calls in the middle of the night are almost never good but 14 can't be good.

Calls Missed:

Hospital

Hospital

Hospital

Hospital

Hospital

Loni (the caseworker with LDS Family Services)

(repeat as necessary)

I hit redial to the hospital room and get the caseworker...in my daughter's room. She informs us of two things: The baby has been flown to a nearby well known Neonatal Intensive Care Unit and that our daughter's blood pressure is so high they won't even let her walk to the bathroom.

I assured them I'd be there in minutes, wake my sleeping husband and call our bishop. He's awake. He had a feeling too. He gets dressed and meets us there. The drive was cold and snowy, and as we get in the room, I've got a few mixed reactions. One, I see my daughter there, her bloodshot eyes swollen from crying, and she's holding out photos the nurses took of the baby before she was flown out of the hospital. The baby has tubes in her throat, down her nose, in her hand. She's got good color but she's definitely sick. The other reaction is a feeling of calm. With our bishop already there, Loni, the Bionic Caseworker sitting in the couch on the other side of the room, I felt immediately that things would be ok. After Mike and the bishop give Tiff a really sweet blessing of comfort and health, I leave to go to the hospital where the baby is going for more testing. They told me she might be in surgery by the time I get there, and I anticipate lots of doctors and scrubbing and crying. Boy was I right.

The doctors are quick to let me in to see the baby. They make me scrub like I'm going into surgery, but I get to hold her. She can't eat til they know if she's got what they suspect, an Intestinal Malrotation. Tests all day will reveal if she'll be wheeled into emergency surgery or not. But I wait at her bedside, holding her tiny binkie in her mouth as she looks at me with her sad little eyes, begging for food that they won't let her eat.

(part 2 tomorrow)

Because Tiff and I Are Partying It Up Pregnant Style Together

2011-01-10T18:12:00.004-07:00

Our tree is still up. It totally is. I can make excuses or I can make more brownies, but that's totally up to me. I like having that freedom. Plus I like brownies. Especially when they have chocolate chip cookie dough plopped into the pan before it goes into bake so that they're cookie brownies. Don't judge me people.

Comfortably Becoming The Scapegoat

2011-01-06T14:11:00.002-07:00

There has to be a time when you allow your children to use you as an excuse. We're at that point. Tiffany has made some hasty choices as some of you may know, fell for the wrong people, trusted in stuff she shouldn't have even considered. Thanks to much therapy, great counselors and tons of tears she's at a point where she knows that these choices were wrong. She's the one coming to us and asking for help in getting on with her life now. It's crazy how night and day she is but when you consider the fact that the choices she was making with the internet predator/crazy-old-man-who-tries-to-say-he's-in-love-with-my-daughter while she was hormonal and rebounding from her relationship with Boris (the biological father of her baby) it all makes sense.

Yes I said it. My almost 19 year old is pregnant. She's 37 weeks pregnant to be exact. She's had a rough last couple months while she made some really hard decisions in her life. It's been a daily struggle for her and for all of us, but there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

The Church has an amazing system with LDS Family Services. Really people, it's absolutely phenomenal. She has been attending sessions with her personal counselor since the "airline ticket" debacle of November that freaked her out to no end. She was over her head and came to us in a panic because she realized that the person with whom she was simply "playing house" in her head with...well...he was totally serious. How serious? He sent her a plane ticket and a "secret" phone and when the car showed up at the house to pick her up for the airport she hid under blankets. HID UNDER BLANKETS my friends.

This is when the title of this post will start to make sense. We told her that she had to make these decisions on her own but that we had rules in our home. If she wanted to live here, she, like everyone else in our house, had to follow simple and basic rules. The same rules she's always had. This is when she went into her own little world for a few days and when she came out and wanted to talk at 1 am in our bedroom, she had a plan in store.

She asked us how to get out of her "relationship" with the older man from across the country. See, this is where we as parents wanted to say "call him and tell him it's over!" but we've learned that if the decision isn't one the child makes, it doesn't stick. So we told her that we'd be here to support her decisions but she had to do it herself. For her, this meant blaming us for the "breakup".

This bothered me for a while but at this point, I don't even care even more. Let me be the scapegoat. Let me take the fall because if it comes to the health and safety of my daughter, I'll bear the burden. He has messaged me on Facebook calling me a liar (he found my post about internet predators...and somehow thinks it doesn't apply, yet he's over 30 and sending/sneaking her a "secret" cell phone to a BARELY 18 YEAR OLD PREGNANT GIRL. Ok...it's called denial. Look into it sicko) and telling me that he's found God and that he forgives me for being so terrible and messing up his life. People, he sent me the most recent message as late as December 31, 2010. Yeah, like a week ago.

Anyway, her choice to avoid and hide from "him" was hers. Hers ALONE. I can't tell you how many nights I was curled up into the fetal position facing Mike while he rubbed my back as I sobbed. Scared that she'd come in and tell me that she was going to go with him, but we told her to make the choice. We had to allow her that as she's an adult (but barely...) and because we believe in personal choice and accountability. Firmly. We run our household tightly on that value system. It is painful, but it works.

Anyway, she has been focused on her baby and the future of this sweet little girl. She has found a family she is going to place the baby with and we couldn't be more proud of her. She's being harassed by the biological father's family, and by the kids in our ward/neighborhood, as are some of our other kids, but we're tough. She's tough. We're supporting her in this decision and there's nothing she could do for this baby that could be more unselfish.

We're getting the whole "if you don't want the baby, give it to us" story from the parents of the father of the baby. PLEASE PEOPLE. PLEASE! Don't come to my house on a Sunday night and try to reprimand us on our "selfish" daughter who is giving your poor baby away to a stranger. You have no idea how hard this is for Tiffany.

Again, the title of this post...We're assuming the role of the scapegoats. Because of a language barrier with the biological grandparents (they're El Salvadorian and speak VERY little english) we have to speak to them through someone else. He translates, they speak, he translates again, we speak, he translates again, they growl and throw their hands in the air, then they speak, then he translates, then we drop our mouths to the floor as he tells us their interpretation of "adoption"...and so forth. At the end of it all, they keep telling her to "stop listening to your mama and papa...don't give this baby away! They don't control you!" So once again. We're taking the blame for this, that's what they think the situation is. We're forcing her to give the baby to complete strangers. Mmmhmm...that's who Mike and I are. Right.

Our bishop is on Tiff's side. He supports her 150%. We support her. Our neighbors support her. Our FAMILY supports her. She is in the middle of a huge circle of support...

Longest story short...we're taking the blame for her ignoring the internet weirdo boyfriend who still thinks they're going to live happily ever after. She thinks he's sad and weird now, but doesn't want to hurt him. I get it. Whatever. We'll take that blame.

We're taking the blame for her giving her baby up. Fine. We'll take it. Sue us. Let's see a court who will do a thing to us when our ADULT daughter signs the relinquishment papers. By the way, the papers are VERY clear in their verbiage. They make sure that the mother is under no influence of any person or drug or alcohol when she signs. Again. Scapegoats. Just call us the Easley Goat's Gruff. For fun.

Wow. That was long and I typed it all in like 23 seconds. Sorry it was so blubbery. That's how I rollsies.

Merry Merry!

2010-12-26T11:43:00.000-07:00

Doesn't the title of this post make you sing "Mary Mary Why You Buggin"? Anyway, just wanted to stop in and tell you that a) I'm sick of watching Harper play Sonic on the Wii and b) that he's abnormally good for a 4 year old at swordfighting on that same Wii.

I'll update with pics later but I have to tell you this story:

Lola is obsessed with Run DMC. We knew she loved the gangsta rap and hip hop, but here she is, 9 months old and if she's inconsolable we just put on the DMC and she's an angle pie. Like mother like daughter. Over.

Babies Aren't The Suck

2010-12-17T08:26:00.002-07:00

So by now everyone knows we're expecting a little surprise in April right? After Lola was born last March we were giving our tiny baby girl things away to our cute neighbors and I'll admit, I wasn't sad at all. For me, not being sad about having our last baby already here is a big step for me. I LOVE babies. Holy, you don't even know. I could cuddle and snozz with a tiny wee one every day til I die but this time, I wasn't really sad at all. I think I figured that I knew more than the man upstairs did and we just figured we were through. Little did we know.

In June, I thought my new pills were making me sick. In July I figured they were stopping my periods because they were too strong.

Think again, Allison.

Baby Number 7 will be arriving in April, and we couldn't be MORE excited. We waited til we were 22 weeks or so to tell people for a few reasons, but by now everyone knows.

Lola is a big girl. There have been a few people who have been worried that Lola won't get her "due baby attention time"...nonsense. This little girl is the first baby girl in this home in 16 years. Not that we don't love our boys but trust me, attention going to Lola will NEVER be a problem. Also, there have been issues raised about finances. Our beliefs are different than some of our loved ones, and we understand their concern, but we have faith. We know that when we're living a happy life and doing what we are supposed to be doing as parents and as a family, magical things happen. Miracles, really. We make it work, and it always does.

Now that the word's out, I can't wait to fill you in on the details of my daily cravings. Right? Just kidding. I'll let you know if I start wanting to chew on chalk but for now, I just love Milky Way candy bars. Please send me a billion for Christmas.

Thank you in advance for your generous chocolate gifts.

A

P.S. Today is my parents' 38th wedding anniversary! Love you guys! Can't wait to see you in a day or so! Drive safe!

Thoughts On The Day

2010-11-20T00:36:00.002-07:00

It's 12:30 am, the wind is blowing in through my open window, a storm is coming in from the west. Our kids are all home. Every night I walk around the house making sure everyone is in their places. Jonah, Casey and Harper slumber in their room, a movie on the dvd player every night. Twilight and Jingle All The Way are faves. Who cares what they watch, they're the ones who go to sleep fastest.

My girls, they're both in the yellow room. Tv on falling asleep happily to QVC. Who are these people? I hear Tiffany and Mackenzie, 18 and 16 respectively, happily chatting about something they want, or something that is just plain absurd. I remember the days when they were little, maybe 3 and 5, talking in their bunk beds about how they were going to make up dances and play store and house the next day. Nothing has changed except their ages. They're the same today as they were back then.

Only Lola gets to fall asleep in my bedroom. I can't resist her. None of us can. She doesn't even crawl yet, and she's just turned 8 months old. The reason? Every one of us carries her around all day long. She hasn't touched the floor in a very long time. She's a princess and she deserves it. She makes us all smile with her perfectly round face and dark brown long curly hair. I could just gobble her up like a honey baked ham.

Scary things happen. They do. Every single family has drama. Every teenager goes through a bit of a struggle. Every heart gets broken, every cry eventually turns into a laugh. We're a family. We're puzzle pieces that fit together in love. That's all I could ever want.

Protecting Our Children

2010-11-19T11:50:00.006-07:00

Having more than one computer in our home has been the norm for more than 5 years now. With most of our children in school and being teenagers, we use them for homework, for keeping in touch with family and friends who live far away, and we understood that there would be threats. Over the years, we've allowed access to Facebook and YouTube, the normal fun sites we ALL use. We're careful to keep tabs on the history, the downloads and the chat features except for gmail chat and Facebook chat have been blocked. We have a fairly strong net nanny, is what I'm saying.

Let me tell you something. THIS IS NOT ENOUGH. We have been attacked by someone over the internet. Thankfully, the child this person has attacked is our 18 year old. This only makes it slightly easier, but no less heart wrenching. We now have 1 computer, and it is in our bedroom.

Thankfully...THANKFULLY...our daughter is the one who came to us. But not before this person had sent a plane ticket and a shuttle last weekend to our home to pick her up. No. I'm not kidding. This has also been going on since the summer. It is disgusting and we can't stop our adult children from doing whatever they want to do, but we're letting her blame us for this "save". She's using us as the reason she can't be with him. Good. If that makes it easier for her to stay away, then awesome. He doesn't know that we also know he told her 2 days ago that he's already mailed her a cell phone so they can sneak around until they can get her to him. This man is over the age of 30. He's almost my husband's age. He is scary.

All and all, she came to us. She told us. She daily has conversations with us, and we are so so proud of her.

People. FACEBOOK. FACEBOOK right in front of our FACES. She's 18, so she can have a profile, but just know that these sick people will pretend to not even know that what they're doing is wrong. Please, watch everything that happens to your kids. Parents who have kids at college? The same goes for you! Watch who they talk to. Watch them for signs that they're not feeling happy about themselves, or watch for symptoms of guilt. Tiffany finally came to us because she didn't know how to get out of something that she got herself into this summer. We support her, and continue to stand strong WITH her.

In the mean time, please, use these resources we've found helpful over the last month:

http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/166

http://www.fbi.gov/stats-services/publications/parent-guide/parent-guide

http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=6aa77fae6f3eb010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD

Please, please know that these individuals don't always seem terrible, they may not ever mention sex and they may not even want to believe that THEY ARE SICK. They become addicted to your children, and they prey on their emotional insecurities. Tiffany needed someone to "call her" and "check on her" and "visit with her" while she was a teenager, and while she adores Mike, and she says that the reason she came to us is because she knows that Mike and I love her, she's been missing a certain parent for a long time. This sick person filled that spot the that the other parent has neglected to fill for years on end now.

Thank heaven she came to us. We will continue to support her and to get her daily help. She is free to do what she pleases, but we will be here for all of her decisions no matter what they are.

Protect your kids. Talk to your kids. Make sure your kids feel safe talking to you. Mostly, just love your kids. Love them no matter what.

Thankful

2010-11-18T11:16:00.003-07:00

mike's job
my amazing clients
my health
my testimony
my children
milky ways
diet dr pepper
good ice
friends who know when to call
forgiveness
Harper's excitement when he's invited over
Castle Crashers
little boys and little girls

We're Blessed With Amazing Friends, And You Know Who You Are...

2010-11-17T22:28:00.003-07:00

Let me say that the last 3 weeks have been one huge thing after another. Thank you to all my friends who were inspired to call us. We don't call others to blab our troubles, and those of you who are in tune...thank you thank you thank you for being so amazing. Let me tell you, the support we've had has come from people who we didn't even know cared that much. That text at 2 am on Saturday morning? You know who you are, and let me tell you...you are a sweet love, and we will be friends for eternity, k? K.

Anyway, she's here still, we're still working on it. 3 days in a row without a wink of sleep for Mike and I, and daily trips to LDSFS have taken a toll but we're hanging in there.

Love you so much from the bottom of our hearts,

Mike and Alli Easley

The Hills Are Alive!!!

2010-10-01T15:35:00.005-06:00

Tonight we're going to see a free concert at the top of the Provo Town Square parking structure. It's part of the Rooftop Concert Series being sponsored by all kinds of cool companies and people, including the fantastic singer/blogger/tambourine player/couch with wheels driver cjane! Anyway, it's at 8 pm, and Mike and I are taking the "well children" with us. By "well children", I mean the ones who are not strepped out. That's a fun story for another time.

Anyway, I've always loved hymns. I come from an EXTREMELY musical family, my mother being a concert pianist/music teacher/singer/master of all things music who also has a degree in Music. She's amazing. My dad plays the drums and sings, my brother and my sisters and I all play multiple instruments and sing, so if you want to imagine the Von Trapp family growing up in Vegas singing in church all the time and for groups of people, go ahead. You wouldn't be that far off.

So when I found out about the Lower Lights performing tonight, I knew we had to go. It's on the top of a parking structure, no seats, just twinkly lights, a crude stage "area" and people sitting on blankets and lawn chairs enjoying music. This is perfect for us. We need something to do that has everything to do with music and nothing to do with having to be fancy. Not with a 6 month old baby and kids of many other ages. Now, I don't like any one type of music only, and the Lower Lights are just some really musical folks who live around here that take the hymns I've grown up on and make them into amazing folksy kinds of songs. They're fantastic. You need to buy their album on iTunes immediately. Except if you're my sisters or my brother or my mom, don't get one for Dad for his birthday, I already got it. Woot.

I could make music my life if I had the real gumption to do it, but I feel like I express my love of it through images, and that's what I'll be doing tonight. Taking pictures and listening and imagining all the things that come to mind when I hear the hymns I grew up on.

Here's an example of what we'll see tonight.

Secret Prayer from The Lower Lights on Vimeo.

Jealous?

If you wanna buy it go HERE, and even if you don't wanna buy it just yet, you can go to that link and listen to the rest of the album, and then you'll probably want to buy it then. I promise.

♥

A Totally Homemade Christmas

2010-09-29T12:57:00.003-06:00

Years ago, I would get together with my good friend Tori, and on the phone with my sister Eliza, and we'd talk about the cutest homemade stuff we'd seen in the last few weeks or so. Back then, we had lots of Christmas/Holiday craft stuff to do at church during the year so that always helped. Like minds working together to make our homes more fun and always a gift ideas for friends would be the main event.

These days, with more kids, more states between us, and more time spent on soccer practices and games, homework, part time jobs, teenage drama and baby drama too (at least in MY house, bless my soul), making things by hand has to be scheduled in. Finding time and sharing ideas has become more of a luxury. Blogs have helped me to keep up my ideas, and boy, they never cease to inspire me.

(look at that cute as heck pie that's made in a tiny mason jar!)

In the past I've made gifts totally by hand. Sometimes, this was in the form of a blanket or a quilt, movie buckets that held candy and popcorn and coupons for movie rentals etc....and you get the idea.

So I'm doing this again. I've got ideas that I've found around the internet, tweaked by my own crazy brain, and some things I'll be making I just came up with on my own. I hope they're enjoyed, and I always hope that my loved ones realize how much thought and care goes into it. It's so easy to buy something, but I will make every gift by hand, and each one will be different.

Ambitious? Yes. Fun? Yes. Worth every tantrum and whine to Mike about how "this looks so stupid! They're going to hate this!"? Yes. I think.

Anyone have any plans to do the same? Ideas? Favorite blogs that inspire you? Share! Leave a comment! I wanna see what you're seeing!

It's Also Where The Speed Limit Goes To 80 Miles Per Hour. Crazy Right?

2010-09-28T17:07:00.000-06:00

(photo taken by Allison Easley, August 2010)

With family in Southern California and Las Vegas, we do the drive between the Provo area and there quite often. By quite often, I mean almost once a month. I have driven this drive my entire life, what with my parents both having much of their families residing there my entire life. I was born in Bountiful, Utah, my parents went to school at the University of Utah and BYU, and Utah was also the place where I went to college (the short time I did) and where I had my first baby. It is also the place I had Lola, baby #6!

Utah has always been sweet to me. I loved the family of it all. I loved the weather of it all. I loved the spirituality of it all. Most of all, though, I have to say, is how much I love the beauty of it.

That photo up above was taken by me while I was driving a weird stretch of Interstate 15, right before you get to a place called Nephi. There are no exits, there are no homes, no buildings, no people. Occasionally you'll see a line of cows, trudging along a narrow trail, playing follow the leader with their heads down. In the summers there are storms. Storms that crop up out of no where. Storms that turn a sunny bathroom break at a gas station into a torrential rain storm in seconds!

I come from pioneer stock. In Mormon speak, that means I have ancestors who crossed the plains from the east to come to the Salt Lake Valley, well over a hundred years ago. Being taught by my parents about my heritage was always something I enjoyed. I used to sing songs about pioneer children singing as they walked...and walked...and walked...and walked. I remember thinking that it must have been fun to be able to play outside all the time with their sisters and brothers, totally naive to the harsh reality of them also being homeless, newborns and grandparents alike, pushing and pulling every earthly belonging along a trail, totally in faith that at some point, there would truly be an end in sight that they could call home.

Lately, life's been tough. Life's been a trail, and a trial. It's been up in our faces, showing us that we're really not in charge here. Every morning I wake up and have a choice. Just like my pioneer heritage, I have a decision to make. I can get up and make it a happy day, or I can lay down again and cry.

Everyone who knows me knows that I lived in the desert when I was 15. At that point in my life, I thought it would be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I thought that for sure I'd never have challenges like that again! Ohhhhhhhhhh to be 15 again!

I hear stories of survivors all the time. I read about people who've come through things I cannot even fathom. I look at people around me and see their human traits, see their struggles, and my burdens are so light.

My mom made a comment the other day to me that I think about constantly. She is strong herself, a woman who doesn't express emotions that often, but when she does, boy I listen alright. She said that the Lord only gives you trials he knows you can overcome. She commented about how strong my back must be to carry these things, and it brought things into perspective for me. My burdens are light. They really are. These things we bear, they're given to us because we can take it.

Honestly, I can list a billion things that could be worse! I really could! It might take me a long time, but I'd sure give it a heck of a try!

Those rains come out of no where. They seem crazy and torrential when we're in them. They soak us, they make us uncomfortable, they may even ruin our most favorite dress, but surely, when we're standing back out of it a little way, when we're still close enough to smell the damp soil, you might just see something that takes your breath away with it's beauty.

We're trying to stand back and see it all right now. What we thought was scary and terrible is really just something that's shaping our landscapes. 2 weeks ago we were being drenched, and today, we're like that picture that I pulled over to take a few months ago up there except with less grass and stuff growing on us. Thank heaven, right?

I'm Just Glad He's Mine, and Mine Alone

2010-09-27T01:27:00.001-06:00

Mike's 33rd birthday was yesterday. Actually, it ended an hour and 14 minutes ago. He's sleeping soundly behind me, in clean new sheets, his favorite. This is the 3rd night in as many days that we've had "fresh from the dryer" sheets. Why you might ask?

Harper is sick. Harper stayed up the other night in a weird kind of dreamy state, crying for no reason, totally inconsolable til 3 am.

I told Mike "get a bucket really quick while I hold him, he's going to throw up."

"No. He's not. He'll go back to sleep."

3 minutes later? Throwing up in bed.

I gave Harper a bath which made him feel tons better, but it was 4 a.m., and he made me sit on the skinny, hard edge of the bath with my feet in with his body so he wouldn't be scared. There we sat, Harper finally happy, talking about video games and he made me tell him funny stories about when he was a baby and he tried to eat his cousin Dylan at the beach. He laughed so hard it echoed through the entire upstairs of the house.

Out of the bath he came, wrapped up in a towel, and Mike had put new sheets on. Fantastic!

The next night, Harper's in our room, laying on the bed. Not like himself. Finally, out of nowhere, he throws up again.

Rinse and repeat, except for this time, it was only 7 p.m. Thank goodness.

This afternoon. Harper on our bed asleep. Out of nowhere, he wakes up and looks at me with a terrified face. "Mom. I fart-pooped."

Yep. He did. All over our new sheets and the down comforter we'd gotten out that day. (It's cool at night. That means cool white down comforter weather!!!) Wash, rinse and repeat once again.

So much for a fun birthday today. Mike had naps, we had good food, we watched tv and did the normal Sunday stuff. He's such a good sport. He got calls from loved ones for his special day and it couldn't have been more peaceful.

I love this man of mine. He's the best dad, the best husband, the best friend I have ever had. Ever.

Oh and speaking of best husband, tonight we watched the premier of TLC's "Sister Wives". Uh, they live in my small town of Lehi. They actually have 3 wives, 13+ kids, and are taking on a 4th. I think this was filmed last year, so now they must already be married.

Anyway, I went into watching it thinking I'd be disgusted and judge them. The people who live polygamy these days just raise questions for my friends and colleagues who know I'm LDS, and who also think that we practice polygamy, or that these polygamists are Mormon too. Well, the people on the show made it perfectly clear that they're NOT Mormon, that the Mormon church does NOT practice polygamy, and with that, I started to really enjoy the show.

Can anyone say "new addiction"? It's really good. I know it's illegal to live it, and they're sure to be busted now that the proverbial "Cat is out of the bag", but for what it's worth, I think they run a great household.

I know I couldn't do it.

Mike said tonight it would be too much pressure, too many families to take care of. I agree with him, except, I couldn't share Mike with anyone. Not for a second.

Boy I'm glad I'm not a sister wife. Mercy.

I Can Hardly Wait Til I Don't Have To Be So Darn Cryptic

2010-09-23T12:06:00.001-06:00

There's an indicator in my life that always fires off at certain times. When we're living the way we're really supposed to be living, when we're trying our very hardest to be the best people we can be...this is when the indicator is most apparent.

Lately, obviously, things have just hit the fan. In a huge way. Like, holy-cow-is-this-really-happening kind of way.

So we've been talking about doing certain things again in our lives. Going to places we haven't been to in a long time again. Visiting areas of our spiritual and personal lives that haven't been getting enough attention lately. The plan was set in motion, things were happening and we were slowly and painfully dipping our toes back into water that has been a stranger for the last year or so.

That's when it all fell apart.

Everything.

Thankfully, our family is tough. We're big tough guys in this house. We're fighters, and that means we freak out for a week or so, and then we say "k, so where do we go from here?"

That's where we are. We're mapping out our next route, we're planning the next steps because as my wise friend Crystal said the other day "There's nothing you can do to change it now! Just love it!"

And boy are we ever.

One of the crazy things is so exciting to me I can't even tell you how I feel. I'm a big glowy mess.

The other thing is more shocking, more scary, more trying and emotional than I ever thought I could experience. I've been through something similar, and it's a good thing because we'd be lost otherwise.

I'll share everything in good time with everyone, once we're sure where it's all going to end up.

In the mean time, let's not blog about such sensitive issues for a while yes?

____________________________________________________________

So Halloween is coming! I made chicken stew, sizzler toast and pumpkin pie with real whipped cream last night. Sadly, it's going to be like 80° today, and that makes me crazy, but give me 3 months and I'll be begging for this weather. The grass is always greener right?

____________________________________________________________

Oh and I'm going to stop taking photos in November for a while. It's a decision our family has made, and we're at a point where I need less stress and more Easley time. I couldn't be more at peace with this decision.

I'm off to meet for the first time and have lunch with 2 photographer gals I met through Facebook who have become some of my favorite friends in the world. Whaddya wanna bet none of us brings our cameras to document this momentous occasion?!

So Am I Supposed To Look At The Sky And Yell "Why?!" Or Something?

2010-09-20T09:20:00.005-06:00

When you have kids of all ages, you have crisis of different stages. Some really aren't a crisis at all, some are just issues. We have lots of issues, who doesn't. And let's be honest, every once in a while I exaggerate. Ok lots of times. I'm dramatic and I say lots of things, mostly because I'm a jabber-mouth. One thing about me, and the people who know me the best know this, is that when it's a really really big issue, or a real bonafide crisis, I don't talk about it. My husband will know, and eventually my bishop. There have been exactly 2 huge things in my life and they've thankfully been spread out over 20 years. Well right now, we're in the biggest one of our lives so far. It involves everyone in our family. It involves 3 different things.

Mike's health? That's not even what I'm talking about right now...and that's so super scary, to hear that your husband has the health of a 70 year old man. That's not even close to it, that just makes us say "really life? REALLY? Right now???" Actually, I think the things we just found out about caused the health incident, caused the chest pains, caused him to break down.

I want to pull away from everything in the world. I want to change our number, I want to lock our doors, I want to delete this blog, my facebook, delete my email and all of our cell numbers. I want to go on lockdown because I don't think I can handle what's coming our way. Actually, I'm pretty sure I can't.

Remember that post below about everything happening for a reason? Well I don't know how I feel about that anymore. There's no reason for all of this. There's absolutely no good reason or lesson I can learn from any of this.

I think all I can do is press forward and take care of the people who live in our home and make sure we're fed and have clean clothes, and when this all comes to a head, you won't see much of me for a while. I am dizzy just thinking about it.

I'm tough. I can live with being poor. I can live with being stressed. I can live with pain. This is too much and I'm just writing about it because it's therapeutic to type this.

I can only read blogs by people like Stephanie and Ruth to understand why and how I can continue. I'm sure you'll all know soon enough about what I'm talking about. I wish it were just one big thing, but it's not. Maybe I'll have Mike blog about it. I don't think I can even type it out. I sure as heck can't speak it aloud, trust me, Mike and I tried to say it to each other and the words just wouldn't come.

For now, I'll just be over here counting my sweet blessings, of which I have many.

♥

...And Then It Got REAL...

2010-09-19T12:35:00.001-06:00

Two nights ago, Mike started having chest pains and light headedness. Yesterday, he woke my from my nap to tell me that he thought we should go to the emergency room because he thought he might be having a heart attack.

Life is standing still right now.

We went to American Fork Hospital emergency room. They immediately took him in to triage to get his vitals. His blood pressure was so high they thought it was wrong. It was not. They retested him and retested him and still it stayed dangerously high.

They rushed him back to get an EKG and after the test, they hooked him up to more machines and wires and IV's and medications. After hours of tests and XRAYS, they finally told him the news. No indication of a heart attack thank heavens, but dangerously high blood pressure and his general health is bad. He's been put on meds and sent to see a specialist next week.

Life is scary. Things get so scary. Stress is really bad on your health.

I'm just so grateful to have him here. These things hit home and make you cling to each other.

Today he slid close to me in the kitchen to plant a sweet kiss on my lips, and it was all I could do to not cry. I love this man. His 33rd birthday is next week. I need a billion more birthdays with him. I need them so much you can't even imagine.

If You Really Wanted To Know...

2010-09-16T16:11:00.003-06:00

I'm going to be honest with you here. I really dislike it a lot when the weather plays tricks with you. Last week the days cooled down to a delicous 72° and the kids and I all got the urge to get the fall decorations out. It is after all...September. And this is how the decorating schedule works:

September - Fall stuff

October - Halloween stuff

November - Thanksgiving and Christmas things

December - Christmas things

So you see, September is my month for my fall things. Yes, some of these things might be interchangeable, like the fall things could also double as the Thanksgiving things but really, I just look forward to fall.

Most of the reasons are completely vain. I love scarves. I love sweaters. I love boots and jeans and hats. I love it.

So if you wouldn't mind, Mother Nature, could you please send Mr. Summer away? He's worn out his welcome at my house. Thank you ever so much.

teeny tiny, shiny, sweet, felty, pretty fun little things!

2010-09-15T15:36:00.001-06:00

I find myself in love quite often. I'll be walking down the street in Salt Lake City and see a little shop of antiques or consignments and I'll see a little green chair and I fall in love. We'll be in a book store on the coast in Santa Barbara and there will be a children's book from the 50's that explained the main differences between a boy and a girl and it will be excruciating for me to not buy it! (I have enough books for forty five people) Point is, I fall in love with cute little things. The internet has only worsened my love affair by making said "window shopping" possible not only with a quick click of the mouse, but I can do it in my jammies while eating a peach with a knife in my bed. (like I'm doing right now)

Today, I found this:

It's a teapot charm! Could you just DIE?! I saw it on this etsy shop today and seriously, I gasped. I am in love. Honestly, is there anything cuter than a tiny porcelain creamer charm? I can't even STAND it.

And then I came across these:

Those my friends, are shortbread button cookies. They're from here, who borrowed the idea from Eva Juliet (another Etsy gal I adore). (click the links!)

My sister Eliza and I both (I think she's worse than me though) stalk a ton of bloggers who do home decorating projects that cost next to nothing. If you haven't seen, Eliza and her hubby recently re-modeled their laundry room after she'd caught an idea from a crafty blogger. I think Eliza's turned out better than the other girls' did! Go see Eliza's laundry room here! (clickity click!)

Since Lola will be pulling herself up to everything if not walking by Christmas, I've been fretting over what kind of ornaments to use. We have a lot of glass and breakable things, a lot of wiry dangerous pretty things but I was hoping to find a really cool way to incorporate my love for all things "birdie!" and felt. Here's what I discovered:

You guys, look at their little beaded feet! Stop it right now!!! I am making these. Like, this weekend. Oh and I got the idea from here! (click-away!)

Anyway. such is my love affair. I have a husband who is patient and lets me ramble on and on about things and these things are some of the things he lets me ramble on about. Things. Little handmade or sweet things. At least it's free to window shop right?

UPDATE!!! Look at all the awesomeness on this lady's etsy! I want EVERYTHING. The end.

talk about elephant tears...

2010-09-14T13:23:00.002-06:00

Sweet Lola-bird has been squeezing these out her entire life. Even when she was born, the nurses would remark "oh my heavens, that one sure knows how to cry when she wants to" and "Hollywood can't teach people how to get natural tears that big!!!" You got that right. This one's genuinely sad when she cries, but boy oh boy does she know how to get the waterworks flowing.

This is because I didn't put on the Jack Black episode of The Gabba today fast enough for her liking. (The episode was about Friends, she loves it. Who doesn't love friends? And who doesn't love Jack Black? I mean really...)

Poor thing, laying in a big fluffy bed with her mama til 10 am watching her shows and she had to wait for 2 seconds while the DVR loaded?! She has the patience of Job.

I'm In Need of Ganache

2010-09-13T17:45:00.000-06:00

I've decided I either really love chocolate or I really hate it. Just thought you should know that.

These letter things are so weird, but I'm making one anyway

2010-09-10T15:45:00.001-06:00

H - happy all the time
A - always smiling
P - probably the best husband ever
P - peppy
Y - yellow, since he's 1/2 asian

A - another man couldn't ever take his place
N - nifty and
N - nice
I - intelligent
V - versed in all things philosophical
E - energetic when he wants to be
R - ridiculously handsome
S - smooches me all day long
A - a real winner
R - rock star
Y - you can't believe how lucky I am to have him

I love you, Mr. Easley. Happy Anniversary...

I like listening to the Gorillaz new album while I work, FYI

2010-09-08T16:13:00.006-06:00

I'm getting behind in work. It's not because I want to. It's because there's something WRONG with me. I'm sick, I'm tired, I'm emotional, and I blame the birth control pills.

Also, I blame the fact that it's my 5 year wedding anniversary in 2 days and there's no money for gifts. He's probably got some nifty clever card he made himself all ready in his secret place and when I see it, it will just scream "Mike made this and it's awesome!" and I will cry and sadly hand him the bag of Jolly Ranchers I will probably get him.

I hate being poor, but I hate not having something to show Mike my appreciation even harder. I guess I could just scrub my bathroom for him. He'd feign happy and say "aw. Thanks honey. I love a clean toilet!" with real believability, but yeah. I'd rather take him to Morton's (click!) Do they even have Morton's in Utah? I don't think so. Utah doesn't like to be that fancy.

Anyway...mais non, it's not for this year either. Every year I say "on our 5th anniversary, I'll do something really really nice for him"...but yeah. Here we go and no. Not this year either.

I'm thinking he probably won't want me to get him a bike but that's totally doable. There's a dude down the street who NEVER puts his bike away. If Michael wants it, I'll totally steal it for him.

reasons schmeasons here come the seasons!

2010-09-05T22:08:00.006-06:00

There's something that crosses my mind a lot. Do things just happen or do they happen for a reason? I usually flip back and forth between these thoughts and wonder what is going on when good and bad things occur in my life.

Lately, I'm leaning toward "for a reason".

My daughter Mackenzie is 16 on Tuesday. Tuesday is the anniversary of her birth. She was early, hair covering her sweet tiny head, and when she got here Tiffany finally had a sister. We were beyond excited and she was the easiest baby I've ever seen. She smiled early, walked early and couldn't wait to run. She talked on her first birthday video...a tiny little thing with a shoulder length bob...sitting on the front porch of our house. The video turns to her, binkie in her mouth, and her grandmother Sharla asked her "Hey Kenzie...what'cha doin?" and Miss Mackenzie pulled out her bink and perfectly said "Wanna ride a bike?" Yes. On her very first birthday. This week is sad for me because it's a bad year. Things are getting better with Mike starting his new job today but for the most part, there will be no presents for a month. She's sweet and won't complain, but I know it hurts her. We're trying, Mackenzie. Things are getting better. You know we love you so so so much.

These things happen for a reason. This year, maybe she'll remember that we can give her love instead of monetary things. Hopefully, she'll remember it later and say "I learned something about love that day..."

Mike and I got to a point the other night where we realized that we needed to work on some things. No, things aren't bad, but there comes a time where you look at each other and say "whoa, we're totally on different roads!" Thankfully, these roads weren't far from each other. Just side-by-side sort of. Marriages shouldn't be two people living side by side. They should be two people walking together, holding hands, so that if something dangerous comes down the road, the other one can yank them out of the way of trouble. We were there on Saturday. I noticed that we were on two roads. I woke him up at 11:30 at night and said "lets go for a walk". It was warm at first but after 2 hours, it got cold. We were sitting at the park and the sprinklers came on, and still we stayed and talked. I talked mostly at first. I talked while we did an entire lap around our neighborhood. Then he talked. I interrupted saying that he'd misunderstood what I was saying before and he asked me to just listen. I listened. I'm so glad I did. We walked home at 3 am. I know I didn't sleep at first, and from how he was breathing, I know he didn't either. Lots of thinking, I assume, like me.

This morning, we were brand new. What a terrific feeling. We don't argue, Michael and I. We never fight. It's weird and awesome. We just get busy and forget sometimes that we're madly in love with each other. 3 weeks ago we were at a concert just totally dancing to the music and as close as you can be, and then a few weeks later, we would take care of family things and work and then fall into bed asleep. We both decided that we need to spend every night with the tv off so we can talk about the day and I can giggle at his dry humor and he can laugh at my stupid jokes. This is where we find each other. In humor, and in friendship. I love this man.

These things happen for a reason. This year, especially, has been difficult. We've had financial trouble, but things are really looking up. This new job of his is giving us lots of hope. I know this happened right now so we could be ready for the good things coming our way.

My kidneys are full of stones. I went to the doctor and they told me they'd pass. They scheduled me for a CAT scan, and on the day of the scan, I canceled. This was a month ago. Something told me not to get radiation. I really was sick about it. I stayed up all night, I got up in the morning to call the doctor to tell him I was worried, and he said "let's postpone it. We know they're there from ultrasounds, but we can just wait to do the scan for a while." I worry a bit that this stupid feeling I'm having means something is really wrong, or that I shouldn't be radiated any more than I have been in the past. I've had so many CAT scans, what with gallbladder issues and stones in the past. Really, minor things. But radiation no less. We'll see. I'll do it in a month. Maybe this feeling is because our insurance cancels this month. I have no insurance for 90 days. We'll see.

These things happen for a reason. I'm unsure of what that reason is, but maybe I'll find out, maybe not. That's the way inspiration works.

In other news, these birth control pills are making me sick. SICK! Too much information? Oh well. Deal with it.

This too happens for a reason, but it's totally a hormonal, scientific reason, so I don't wonder too much about the reasoning here.

Oh and I really love my family. Taylor and Mandy were here, they brought their boys! We had a party at Eliza and Curtis' house tonight, Curtis ran the bbq (seriously, he's the best bbq'er I've honestly ever met. He nails the chicken EVERY TIME. It's always moist! How does he do that??? Also, he knows how I like my steak...bloody and as rare as it gets but just barely brown on the edges. He nails that every time, too. He deserves a trophy or something. I should look into getting him one) while the kids played. Harper got tired and so did his cousins and fights ensued but really funny ones where 6 year old Isaac said awesome stuff that I wrote down in my cell phone notes because seriously, that kid is awesome. Yes, they were sort of mean to Harper but I layed on the stairs with my face in the carpet just laughing at the comments even while Harper cried. Why? Because honestly...Isaac is a comedic genius. I adore that kid.

I sure love Eliza. She's always willing to have parties at her house. Appropriately, her house is the biggest so it works that way, but she cleans up the mess that I know we leave, and she's generous and sweet and she's the best. And we're only 16 months apart in age. This makes her even more awesome. Every year when I turn the next age, I know she'll be right behind me, turning into the year I just left. She just turned an age last week. I won't say which, but it starts with a 2 and ends with a 9. Right Eliza?

Now, to get my bedroom clean since I just unpacked today from my trip that I got home from on Tuesday. Lazy much?

Oh and fall is here. I like living where there are seasons. Mmhmm...

blogging is dumb but it really isn't, so I do it. It's also my 8th year anniversary of blogging. Weird.

2010-09-02T15:46:00.000-06:00

Mackenzie got asked to Homecoming. Thing is, I'd feel really super old but she's a junior. And Tiffany is an adult. I have an adult child. I'm in my mid 30's. What the??? So wanna make it even more crazy? Sure! Why not? I have an adult child, I have one in high school, I have one in middle school, I have one in elementary school, I have one in pre-school and an infant. I have one in every phase of young life. Isn't that bizarre?

I love it. I really really love it.

P.S. Tomorrow is Mike's last day at his job. He's been there over 2 years and has learned all he can from that place, and he's moving on to an Ad Agency. Something that is really super interesting to him. When Daddy's happy, Mommy's happy, and vice versa.

P.P.S It's our 5th wedding anniversary next week.

P.P.P.S. Have I mentioned that he's The One? Ok good, cuz he is.

a whole lot of rambling, but mostly because I like to ramble

2010-09-01T11:53:00.001-06:00

there's an unmistakable feeling in the air. It's the same feeling I get every year at this time. We sleep with our windows open and in the morning we're almost too chilly to only have our light summertime blanket over our bodies. Every morning I say to Mike "should we get the down comforter out?" and he always says "maybe". That means "you decide" because he's really sweet like that. He will make due with whatever I choose.

I drove home to Utah late last night from this last trip to Las Vegas and Southern California. The drive was long and Tiffany puked all over herself and all over the car, but for the most part, it was beautiful. Honestly, when you're coming from Vegas, almost anything is more nice to look at but the drive north home is stunning and it comes incrementally. First, The Gorge. Really? It's just stunning. You see these cliffs that reach so high up you almost can't see the tops even when you crane your neck out the window. Then you automatically look down below the road and the valleys are red and sparse, but with a muddy river crawling across it. I could tell you a joke about that river but I won't. (yes I will. I once heard this from a Young Women's/church leader on the way back from Girls' Camp in Brian Head. question "why do they call it the Virgin River?" answer "because you never see the bottom of it!")

After The Gorge, you reach St. George. St. George...where do I start? I spent a zillion summers there as a kid. We had a family condo on a golf course there. Every summer we'd go and mostly during the 4th of July. Tennis would be on tv and our parents would watch it while we'd go outside on the lower deck and eat a billion otter pops. Dads would go golfing at 6 am to beat the heat and they'd be back around noon to take the kids swimming. I loved it! I realize now they were trying to cool off since St. George frequently reaches over 100° during the days. Sometimes over 110°! Heaven love them and their dedication to the sport! Anyway, we'd play mermaid or superman and wonderwoman all while jumping in and out of that pool. I loved that pool.

Around noon we would head inside to have some kind of lunch, most often tuna fish sandwiches or pb&j, which was just fine to us because we also got to have as many fresh picked apricots as we could stand. Chips were abundant and so was kool-aid! After that, the mom's would go golf. In the heat. Really? Now that I'm an old lady, I wonder how they did that. Bless their hearts. While the moms were golfing, we'd all smear lotion on our burnt backs and cheeks and play Uno upstairs in the cool bedrooms that are still where I imagine my "happy place" to be even to this day when I'm in need of going to such a place in my head. Imagine cool rooms with fluffy beds and plenty of paper and crayons and markers to use.

Dinner was either made at home or we'd go to the famous Pizza Factory that was/is owned by our family friend Bill. All of us and the cousins would get pizza and a salad bar. Even as little kids. SALAD BAR! I realize now how strange that is but even my own kids and even my brother's kids still do that. As a matter of fact, in Vegas yesterday I was visiting with my sweet sister in law Mandy as she got her boys ready for school. (Side note, she was in a cute dress with an apron on. She's adorable and I love her.) She asked them what they wanted for lunch. Derek, who is 5 asked for toast with jam. Dylan asked for salad with ranch. How cute is that? Anyway, dinner-pizza factory. Good. Oh and then we'd beg for a new tshirt from there. Most often we'd get matching shorts too. The 80's were awesome.

Anyway that was a super long rant about St. George, but that's where my memories lie. I could go on and on about St. George but I'll save it for another time. PS to my blogging cousins and siblings, I reserve the right to blog about the Ghost Hunt. It's mine. SO there.

Next you crawl up I15 up toward Cedar City. Lava rocks and green trees and red sand and cliffs? What else can I even say?

Then miles and miles and miles of open grassy areas pouring out in the middle of hills covered with trees. Farmers water their land with those big long pipes with huge wagon wheels on them. I've always been fascinated with those watering devices. What are they called, anyone? Anyone? So curious!

Beaver! Cheese factory! Super clean X-Large bathrooms at the Texaco! That's all I know about Beaver.

Fillmore, no reception on my phone.

Nephi! All I can say about Nephi is that when my adorable soon-to-be husband Mike was getting baptized, we made a trip up to Utah with Tiffany. We took him to see all the sights of SLC, and Temple Square. It was the most spiritual trip of my life, and I loved every second of it. What does that have to do with Nephi? We were stopped in Nephi and saw my old van. The one I shared with my ex-husband. See, our divorce had been final for about a week and Mike and I were on our first "real" date and we stopped in Nephi to go to the restroom and there it was. I guess my ex-husband was meeting a girl for the first time there, she lived in Idaho. Anyway, it was weird to see my old car at a random gas station in the middle of nowhere. My ex married that gal about a week later. Mhmmm.

So then you come over this hill into the Utah Valley. I always get happy there, and it is called Happy Valley, so it fits. The mountains are awesome, you see Timpanogos in the background hovering over everything and the legend of that mountain (click!) is so beautiful and sad at the same time, it just feels spiritual even looking at it.

Anyway, the drive yesterday was long and tiring, but the sights and views were astounding as always and waking up to the crisp air that reminded me that fall is peeking over the horizon just made it an even happier homecoming. Hey fall, hurry up. I have scarves I wanna wear.

Last week of August and um what the heck? Why is it almost Christmas? Sick.

2010-08-27T09:28:00.000-06:00

Disneyland. Where do I start? I don't. I can't even go there. I love it so much. I want to live there but I can't. Anyway, why is it so hot here in California this week? Seriously? Also, why have there been floods, mud slides, fires, torrential rain, hail, wind storms that knock out power, dangerously high surf and earthquakes all while I've been here? Maybe God wants me to not live here. Also, Mike got a job in Park City. I love Park City. WOOT!

thank's for nothin' egg dudes

2010-08-20T18:26:00.000-06:00

Last week I got sick something fierce as in I was puking all day, I even threw up in the bathtub. Yeeeeah. In case you aren't quite getting the visual, baths do not have drains that are compatible with (WARNING: The following contains graphic content describing vomit. Pregnant women should quit reading now) puke that contains huge chunks of zucchini and sausage. So here I am, passing out from dehydration, so weak I could barely hold my head up, my ears are muted, my eyes are seeing spots and blackness and I'm trying not to throw up in the tub. Somewhere in my mind I knew that if I passed out, I'd hit my head so I sat down immediately. So here I was, sitting in the tub, puking between my knees and it's running toward the drain. Let's just say I had to clean it up by hand...good thing the toilet was right next to the bath. I know. I'm disgusting. I'm disgusting. Throw stuff at me or shut up.

So anyway, guess what I'd eaten the night before: zucchini and sausage...but with eggs. I'd had scrambled eggs too. Guess which eggs. The recalled ones. (click)

This is why everyone needs to have a farm and to live off of their land. Anyone know of any chicken farms in Lehi? I'm over the store kind. They're sick. Literally.

and all I can think about is scarves

2010-08-19T10:29:00.000-06:00

It's almost September. It is. It's crazy. The best part of Utah is the fall. I dare anyone to tell me that Utah in the fall isn't the most perfect place on earth. Since there are so many colleges around (like billions) the football games start up, people start wearing the shirt that represents their "team" and for your information, I'm neither Blue nor Red. (I don't want to decide!) But I do love my scarves. The girls and I share nearly 30 scarves. Don't be jealous.

There are a few other things I love about the coming season. One of them being the apples that grow so abundantly in the fall. I just love homemade apple pies. Once upon a time my friend Tori and I ordered 2 huge boxes of apples to be delivered to us in Las Vegas. We were new mothers, new wives, new homeowners and we thought we'd be ever-so-domestic by making some pie filling to freeze for the year. We purchased an apple peeler that clamped onto my counter top and away we went. It started out fun, we laughed and talked as we went, always making sure to keep the leftover peels tidily in a garbage can. After about an hour of cranking that peeler things changed. Babies were crying, kids noses were running, my phone kept ringing and those apples, those boxes of apples...well, they seemed to be multiplying. Kind of like the loaf of bread and the fish story.

I looked at Tori and she looked at me and we both decided that one box of apples for the pies was enough. I think we spent 10 hours that day, turning only 1 box of those apples into carefully trimmed, thinly sliced, cinnamon and butter seasoned apple pie filling that we packed neatly in our freezers. Granted, I used every one of my 100+ bags of pie filling, but I don't think I'll do that again. Berries? Yes. Things that need to be peeled and lemon'd and seeded and sliced? Not so much. I will say that everyone of my neighbors thought I was the Apple Queen, and all of the sick ladies at church came to expect a pie for the next year from me, and that thought makes me almost want to take on this challenge again. It is, you know, almost apple season again.

I also love walking in the crisp air without mosquitoes. I hate mosquitoes. What are mosquitoes even for? Why are they on the earth? Can anyone fill me in on this mystery? I have to wear a scarf now in the evening when I go walking and it isn't even really cold enough for that. I have to protect my neck, you know. See, and we've come full circle. It really is all about scarves.

yeah probably not the best looking lunch ever

2010-08-18T15:47:00.001-06:00

Guess what I had for lunch today. This was all on one plate mind you...

collard greens with vinegar on them
1/2 can of creamed corn
1 big fat spoonful of cottage cheese

Yeah, it makes me sick just thinking about it but boy was it good. Also, I just realized all of those foods started with the same letter. And on that note:

Today's post was brought to you by the Letter C.

anybody have a membership to Heavenly AAA I can borrow?

2010-08-18T11:51:00.000-06:00

I've never been one of those people who dillydallies. Except for when I was 13 and I was in the bathroom before church, perfecting those bangs so I could be cute for all the boys in my ward. Then I'd hear the call as my dad was standing at the end of the hall "Quit dillydallying! Let's GO!" Back then? I liked to dillydally. Otherwise, I've been in a rush to do pretty much everything in my life.

This has caused a pretty fair amount of grief for me. Hastily made decisions about love, or quickly moving toward a purchase...these types of things seemed to haunt me until a few years ago when mortality stood up and yelled directly in my face "Heeeyyyy!!!" during a bizarre series of events. These events finally broke my fast-lane race to nowhere in particular.

Suddenly, I liked to take my time. To make decisions carefully. My first slow and prayerful decision to file for divorce had a huge pay-off. "So THIS is what making a good decision is like..." and just like that, I was addicted. One might even say I was obsessed. Thus, I've become the opposite, in a crazy switch of events. Some might call it a 1/3 life crisis. I call it "learning from my mistakes."

So here I am today, making decisions that are slow and low, changing here a little, there a little, and even if there seems to be something impending, I'm wary of making a "rash" decision, having been burned by the hot stove of immaturity in the past. Does this serve me better? Yes and no.

First of all, the decision to marry my husband. Anyone who knows me knows that everyone I meet is my VERY! BEST! FRIEND! immediately after meeting them. Likewise, every boy I ever met was The One. This time I knew, but didn't want to be crazy so I went on denying that I really felt like that for him, until (for heaven's sake) he was right there in my face and we had a clear path. Then I admitted it. Score 1 for me. (Pshh, score 1 for Mike, what am I talking about!?)

Secondly, the choice to move to Utah. We wanted to come up here months before we moved but I carefully weighed our job situation and until we had a secure job that could support our family, we waited. We came up here for a few reasons, one of them being to be by my sister and her kids, which has been awesome but the main reason being so the kids' dad could see them as much as he wanted. Good choices on both accounts. We've done our part in this and it's payed off, sometimes in surprising ways that seem negative at first, but in the end, all it's done is shown the kids that we really, really love them and that we will make sacrifices for them on their behalf. They see this, they know it, and all but one of them has thanked us for what we do for them. The other one, well, he's torn, but last night, out of nowhere, he said that he sees. We just want them all to be loved by as many people as they can be. Score 1 more for mature kids!

Thirdly, I've been making decisions about my health the last few years. I hated wearing clothes that could be made into bed spreads. I disliked very much having to shop at the big end of the store, and I for sure hated feeling like garbage. Mike and I made a conscious decision well over a year ago when I got sick to change the way we lived. We walked every night, we ate well, locally and sustain-ably and we tried to limit the amounts of times we ate out per month to 2. It worked. It was a slow process, but it worked. I lost almost 1/2 my body weight and he lost a significant amount, and my health improved. I even got pregnant and STAYED pregnant! Those changes stuck, and to this day, even after having a baby, I'm still almost 1/2 the weight I was when we moved here a little over 2 years ago. Score 1 for The Gap!

So now, at a time where we need to make a decision really quickly, where do I find the guts to go back to that old way of life? How do I find balance? Big road blocks are in our path and we're butting up against them right now. Unfortunately (and fortunately all at the same time) Mike is King Dillydally of Takeyourtimeland. We need to make decisions RIGHT NOW but we're worried. We're scared to jump in. Me, miss fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants, scared to make these decisions? Because they seem terrible? Yes, because they seem terrible. Also, because they seem like a step backward in the progress we've made, up front at least.

I'm such a homebody. I could stay at home and read and play with the baby and put on impromptu musicals and make posters about fake restaurants and play lounge singer and make up songs all day with my kids until the cows come home, but right now, the urge and the fire has been lit but yet I don't wanna react because there is no clear answer ahead! Just the fire to go! We need to move where we can fix our situation. We want to fix this situation, but we're stuck in the mud. I need a boost from the Big AAA Tow Truck in the sky right now. It's exhausting.

In other news, I'm retaining water like a freakin' sponge. That's always good for one's self-esteem.

she just needs her mama, that's all

2010-08-17T17:44:00.002-06:00

Something's been coming over me the last few months. It all started when I had miss lola-bird. Something about how peaceful the morning of her birth was. I'd gone into my doctor the week before and they checked me out and said that my blood pressure was up a bit. This for me is normal, but my sweet doctor J. (no, not THE Doctor J, but yes, that fabulous) said he wanted to be safe so we scheduled me for an induction on my 39th week of pregnancy, the following Friday. I was ok with this because I'd been having weird feelings and I'd shared them with Dr. J. So Friday came and the cute nurses at American Fork Hospital called me at 5:45 am and asked me if I could be there in 30 minutes. They had an early opening. I shook Mike awake and said "It's TIME!" which for us means "they're going to induce me now!" since I don't go into labor (when it's time, at least, I can't say the same thing about the first 30 weeks of pregnancy. Figures, right?) on my own.

I showered, shaved my legs and got to the hospital (which is 15 minutes away) in 35 minutes. Fast showers are the best. So is wearing your hair long and straight. Easy peasy. We got into the room, filled out all the paperwork, met our AMAZING nurse Paula and got the iv's started and settled in. By 8:30 the pitocin was causing contractions and I was already dilated to a 2, so we thought we'd have a while til the contractions started coming harder. Fast forward to 9:00 am.

I look at the husband and say to him "something's wrong". He says "what's wrong?" I say "I dunno, something" so he says "Call Paula". I call the nurse, tell her something's wrong. She asks a few questions, and tells me that she wants to check me. She checks me and says "whoa. You're at a 7". For those of you who don't know what that means, that means I'm almost done. In 30 minutes, I went from "eh, let's maybe have a baby by midnight" to "ok, so your body is really trying to get this baby out NOW".

I am having contractions that are super intense, and it comes the time where I have an epidural or not. Now here's where it gets tricky. I wanted to have Miss Lo with no epidural. I went in there thinking I'd say no. I had Casey with no epidural (#4) and Tiffany with no epidural (#1) so it was totally one of those things I knew I could do. The pain wasn't any different than it was with the others, and I knew it was happening fast, but something told me to get it. So I got it. It only worked on half of my body. When I say half of my body, I mean

that absolutely literally. Epidurals are in your spine. Mine only took care of my right side. Period.

So there I was, feeling everything in my left side of my body, trying to breathe through the fastest labor in the universe when 2 nurses come walking in, but really quickly. One comes to my left side to mess with my iv, the other, my nurse Paula, she comes over and tries to move the fetal heartbeat monitor around on my belly. I asked her what was wrong. She says "well, we keep getting YOUR heartbeat on the baby monitor, so we want to make sure the baby's heart rate isn't that low." The other nurse informed me that she was turning the pitocin off because I was going 1000 mph. at this point and definitely didn't need help getting this baby here.

After 10 minutes of not finding the baby's correct heart beat consistently, they opted to break my water so they could put the baby on a monitor attached to her scalp. As soon as they did this, things got crazy. Lola's heart beat WAS the one they thought was mine. With every contraction, her heart would go from her normal 150-160 beats per minute to 45-50 beats per minute. They rolled me onto my left side then we waited... They rolled me onto my right side then we waited... nothing helped. 10 minutes of this, and with each contraction, I'd look at Mike and start to pray aloud.

Please Heavenly Father, please help Lola. Please get Dr. Jones over here to get her out.

Mike was in a trance. He couldn't even move. He was silent.

Finally, Paula said to the other nurse "Get Doctor J. here. Now" and the other nurse said "he's here. He just walked in for another patient...."

Dr. Jones walked in and said (with a smile on his face as always...) "So what's going on here? This baby being naughty already?" (those doctors know how to keep you so calm...)

Just at that moment, Lola's heart just stopped. Literally. Just...stopped. Mike stood up immediately and I looked at the clock and watched 5...10...15 seconds tick by. Doctor J walks over to the nurse who looks like she's seen Jacob's ghost and takes the forceps out of the nurse's hands, walks over to me, says "you're at a 9. Let's just get her here" and the next thing I know, the bluest baby you've ever seen is being handed to me.

"She just needs her mama, that's all" he says.

Lola-bird had her cord wrapped 4 times around her neck. Every contraction pulled it tighter. The cord was also the size of a straw, which I've since learned is about 1/4 the size of a normal umbilical cord. She needed to come out.

I talked to Dr. J later when he came to visit me in recovery. "See, always trust your gut feelings, even if they seem crazy" he said. "I can't tell you how many times I've learned the hard way to just trust a woman's feelings over the years"...

He calls them gut feelings. I like to call it intuition. Intuition fueled by the promptings of the Holy Ghost. What a gift it is to be a woman.

That's what's been coming over me. This feeling that I'm here for a greater purpose, that there's something out there for me to do, and that I'm not alone. Sometimes the days are dark, and adversity gets the better of us, but really...I feel surrounded by light. I feel loved. I feel like I can take care of these people even when financially, it seems like I can't. Also, I'm just so blessed to have this little birdie. I can't resist her. Can you?

about a gal

2010-08-17T15:22:00.001-06:00

I'm Allison. Also called Alli. I'm also called mom, honey, mama, mommy and jerkface (but only by Eliza, Taylor and Ashley, my siblings. Oh and it's said with love, don't go getting upset now...)

I live. I just need to say that.

I also write. I have had a blog for the past 8-9 years. Yes, for real.

I also take photographs. For people and friends and brides and sweet new mothers and for occasions and holidays and for myself.

I'm feeling a lot lately, so I'm back to blogging. Don't get your hopes up, I'm doing it for myself only so I won't be trying to entertain. I'll just be real. How's that?

Sweet.

In Which We Discuss Lola

2010-03-12T13:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to my regularly scheduled appointment with Dr. Jonesie. He came in, made small talk and it didn't take long before he was sending me again over to the hospital next door "just to make me feel better". He said "me"...not me. You know what I mean. So then I go out to my car and drive 14 spaces over to the hospital, walk inside to the elevators and call in to the nurses so they can let me into the Labor & Delivery area. Just so you know, even Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible couldn't break into this area. It's secure and more intimidating are the pastel colored scrubs draped nurses who wait inside for anyone who comes down the hall. Trust me, they may look innocent but I assure you, they're not. They're scary. Like the Pope.

Anyway, nurses hook me up assuring me the entire time that this should only take about 15 minutes because we're just looking for normal accelerations and decelerations in her heart and that 99% of babies respond to voices and sound and prodding so it shouldn't take long. *cue Jeopardy theme song*

2 hours later, they realize what I've been telling them the whole time. Lola is mellow. She kicks yes, but only when she's uncomfortable and even then, it's more like an aggressive'ish stretch. Oh and then sometimes she will give you a good stand up, and I'm grateful that this doesn't happen often as I think she's figured out that I'm only 5'3". We gotta work with what we got, right?

So after they all "oooh" and "awww" about how mellow she is they bring in this vibrating button gun, which to me looked and sounded a WHOLE lot like a taser. Yep dude, they effing TASED my baby...but you best believe it got her heart racing. Boy howdy did it ever. I'm sure she was sobbing in there. So I told the nurses half jokingly that they were rude and got my shoes on and left.

I went downstairs to the coffee shop to get an orange juice and while I was walking down the long hospital halls, I called Mike. I told him about the whole experience and how little Lola was so mad and how she's just mellow and wants to relax but if you piss her off she will really let you have it.

ME: "Babe, I tried to tell them that she's just really mellow. She's not in distress, how many times do we have to have a Non-Stress Test? I mean really? She's just the opposite of me. She's just chill and she just wants to hang out. She's not DEAF, she's just listening."

HIM: "Welcome to my life..."

Yep. Still Pregnant.

2010-03-11T13:35:00.000-07:00

So today I have my 38 week appointment at my OB's office. This means that we have 2 weeks until Lola is due, but in the state of Utah, this means they won't induce me for another week after that, at least. I'm ok with this for these reasons:

I don't have anything I need for the baby. Oh. That's only 1 reason but still, it's a big one. I think.

The reason I DO want her here is illustrated in this little timeline for you:

11:30 am - realize that I have to think about getting ready for my appointment

12:30 pm - think again about getting ready

1:30 pm - get in the shower so I can leave by 3

2:00 pm - get out of shower and lie on bed for 30-40 minutes thinking about how exhausting showers are

2:30 pm - blow dry hair and put makeup on

3:00 pm - cry the whole way to the doctors office because of exhaustion from putting mascara on BOTH. EYES.

Sense my apathy? How about lethargy? Ok good. Number 6 is number DONE, btw.

Breakfast at 36 Weeks

2010-03-02T09:23:00.000-07:00

Me: Hmm...what sounds good for breakfast today? Doritos? NO!

(scour the fridge, spot some shredded lettuce from dinner the night before)

Me: Salad! Yes! With doritos crushed on top. Score.

Doesn't lettuce cancel out the doritos? I thought so too.

Recipe For Stank

2009-09-29T16:06:00.001-06:00

Place 8-10 chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs on 1 thin glass plate. Put in microwave. Mis-read the back of the box. Cook said 10 nuggets for TEN EFFING MINUTES. Start a small fire, break the plate, create stank that fills the house for 24 hours.

By - Casey, age 10

P.S. My house stinks.

M.P.E.'s My M.V.P

2009-09-25T10:52:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow is Mike's 32nd birthday and because we won't be getting online tomorrow, I thought I'd tell you today a little bit about him, maybe some things you don't already know.

First, if any of you have ever had us stay the night, or if you've stayed the night with us, or if you've stayed the night in our neighborhood or even in a neighboring town, you've probably noticed that he snores. Like a dang grizzly. I can sleep through it but ONLY if I fall asleep first, and that's a big "but". (Not like MY big butt, that's a whole other story)

He was the pickiest eater in the world when I met him. You may not believe me, a guy as big and cuddly as he was, but trust me. Maybe "picky" isn't the word I should use. How about, um...limited. He ate pancakes, and hamburgers, but no pickles, no mustard, no lettuce, no tomato. He didn't eat green or yellow or orange or red peppers because he thought they were HOT (which actually makes perfect sense to me now that I think of it. If you weren't used to eating them and you were approached with something called a "pepper", woudn't you make the same assumption?) and he never ate his eggs any way else but scrambled. Basically, if it wasn't meat + potatoes, he didn't eat it except for sometimes spaghetti, and sometimes scrambled eggs. Oh wait! Nevermind, he ate subs too. He liked subs, but only ones with meat and cheese. Sometimes he'd just make a sandwich with meat on bread and some cheese. Dry. Really. Now he not only eats everything we try (vietnamese, sushi, middle eastern food, mayonaisse, eggs over easy) but he actually cooks and invents things. Things the kids love. The other night he made homemade burritos with leftover pork roast and spices and rootbeer extract and sugarfree cherry koolaid (for real, and no it wasn't gross surprisingly) and taco seasoning and and and. Um, I don't remember what else he put in there, but it was good.

He sits in silence while he works with his headphones on, always. He can be home for 2 hours and the kids don't know he's here because he can come up to the office and start working on his side-jobs and we don't even hear a peep because he even types quietly. He's a funny guy. Oh and he hates to have his picture taken. See here:

He played football all of his life, even through college, but now he doesn't turn on a game unless one of us wants to watch. He keeps up on them, and since one of us always has a game on this time of the year, he watches them but I'll never come home and find him watching by himself. Can I tell you how awesome that is? I never have to fight Eli Manning for some love and attention from Mike. Ever. (oh and he's the one on the top left in the football picture below) Oh and speaking of the picture, we just went to a wedding for the shorter guy in the middle, and every one of the guys in the picture were there, as well as many many other friends Mike's had over the years. That's one more thing about Mike. When he makes you his friend, he means it, and he means it for life.

He kisses me every morning when he leaves for work. He seeks me out and kisses me every day when he gets home. If he's running to the store on Saturday, he kisses me goodbye. If he's going to a meeting for an hour, he kisses me when he leaves. He can't know how awesome this is for me. I'm used to it now, but when we first started this, I had not ever experienced this, so every time he was kissing me goodbye, I thought he was driving off into the sunset for good. I mean, at that point, who could blame him? He married a lady with 4 kids!

Speaking of those 4 kids, they adore this man. On Saturday mornings, the first thing I wake up to is one of them screaming "MIIIIIIIIIIIIIICHAELLLLLLLLLLL!!! Come see this!!!" It's always some YouTube video of some crazy new video game, or some cat who likes to swim, or a baby who blows bubbles with their nose or something gross that they know he'd appreciate. When it's dinner time, they know to look to him when someone will ask "who's saying the prayer?" When Tiff comes home from dates, she comes to him first to tell him about what she did. When Kenzie gets asked out (again and again) by boys at the park, she comes home and says "Guess what boy asked me on a date?" *insert much eyebrow raising* When Jonah has a new flock of girls chasing him, he will come in and tell Mike about what a playa he is. (Mike thinks this is awesome and hilarious every time) When Casey needs help with anything, he comes to Mike first. Sometimes I'll get Casey's homework folder on Friday and it will have been signed for all of the previous days by none other than the one and only Michael Easley. That's love for you, people.

Harper thinks the world revolves around the man. 'Nuff said. (look at the lips on those boys down there! Absurd.)

Heck, I think the world revolves around the man. Well, I think the world revolves around us. Actually, I'm just glad to be IN the world with him. He showed me that really, you can be married and never raise your voice. That really, you can be married and treat each other nicely. That really, you can have really amazing and intelligent conversations when you're married. That really, you can share yourself with someone and not expect anything back. I think he's pretty darn neat, and I really believe that one day eons ago, God said "I'm going to make someone who fits perfectly 100% with this other person and when they find each other, they will know what Life really is about". Thank goodness I found him. No, thank the Lord.

(photo above by one of our favorite friends together, the amazing Brooks Ayola)

(oh and for Mike's birthday, I'm giving him a baby, but it's on back-order til March. (thanks Christina for the "back-order" idea part. You crack me up girl))

{ real }

2009-09-23T10:23:00.000-06:00

So after the post yesterday, I decided that yes, I'm going to be real. Not that I wasn't before, heavens no. I'm not that great at faking the sweet and happy when I write. When I meet another kids mom at school, or if I meet someone in the store that I've only seen in the halls at church, well then heck yes, I can fake sweet. It's hard not to. I can't just be like "Hey! Oh yes I remember you. Guess what, I have had 2 constipated kids at home all week and boy oh boy the gas floating around, you'd think a sewer main had busted right there in my darn family room!"

Anyway, I have lots of issues, who doesn't, but there's one that just kills me. It makes my stomach hurt, it causes me to shake, it makes my body do weird things, and I hope that most of you don't deal with it but in this economy, I know you do. It's money. I'm short $500 bucks this week. I'll have it next week, but what I have to pay is due TODAY. I didn't sleep well last night, Mike didn't get to sleep til 4 am. For the last few years, we've been fine. It's just this time of year. School started, school lunches started again, I had to pay a crazy co-pay for my medical insurance and omg. Wait. Did you know that for Mike to insure me and me alone on his work insurance costs us $510 per month? Um. This is with a healthy wife. And Harper's insurance is $101 out of pocket. Oh and school clothes, shoes, and supplies for teenagers cost us almost $1000 last month. That's where the money I have to pay today went. To school stuff. Ok, so how's that for honesty and "real"? We made the decision in April to have me not work. There were lots of reasons, and the biggest 2 were these:

The kids were all failing school. Even Casey. I wasn't home with them during the day when they got home from school, and I typically got off work at 6:30, and so did Mike, and by that time they'd been home 3 hours alone, and no homework was being done. I'd get home, we'd do dinner and it would be almost 8 by that time. Then it was the fight over showers since only 1 worked at the house (there were actually 4 bathrooms, but plumbing issues made for that fun time) and after that, it would be bedtime. The kids were ALL getting D's and F's. The stress from that probably contributed to the next reason below.

My health was insane. I was receiving blood transfusions and iron infusions in the chemo lab at Huntsman Cancer Hospital on a weekly basis. My body in January decided that it was going to bleed out. Literally. I was on triple birth control pills, getting the depo shot, taking zillions of medications all to try to get me to try to stop bleeding. Finally when the doctors told me that working 10 hours per day was probably contributing to the issue, I stopped working. They weren't sure how I did it before that anyway since I had 30% of my blood left, and I was still "working"? Anyway, needless to say, I stopped working to heal.

Fun right? I am so not saying my problems are harder than yours. For real. I'm saying LOOK! Here is one of mine! I know in this economy we need to be grateful. I so am. I have healthy kids (knock on wood) and the swine flu is gone, and we're expecting a baby (yes, even still while on triple doses of birth control pills and the depo shot. Explain that one to the judge) and those things make me so happy. Mike is amazing, he takes care of us and makes us all feel loved and we adore him right the heck back. I have family who is awesome, a sister who lets me come over to her house and park on her couch while I just decompress/sit there in silence once or twice a week. I. Am. Blessed. But I'm broke today! Hip hip hooray!!!

Here's a picture of a kitten that looks like my childhood cat named Digger:

Lisa Leonard Designs Jewelry GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

2009-09-22T16:20:00.000-06:00

Lisa Leonard Designs Jewelry GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

Hey, this stuff is awesome. I want the ring and the kids name thing and and and...um everything.

{ Ok, Here's The Situation (insert Fresh Prince lyrics here) }

2009-09-22T10:13:00.000-06:00

So when I first started my first blog, "Blogger" was in beta, and nobody even knew what it was. I tried to explain it to my dad who thought it was a "chat room" and he said "stop. stop. don't even talk about it. we don't really approve of this chat room stuff you're doing or blog or whatever". Anyway. I was blogging when blogging was apparently taboo. I originally started blogging to help me journal about my 2 year journey through separation and divorce. Blogging was my place to say what I felt, even if I slipped a cuss word in there (I have a love/hate relationship with the "S" word) and it was a place of solace for me. Blogging was my best friend from 2003 until about 2006. I met many of my good friends that I have now around the country, and one of my VERY best friends and her family through online/blogging means.

The reason for this explanation? I miss blogging the REAL stuff. I miss the time when blogging wasn't a bunch of CAPITAL LETTERS thrown in with "..." and some UpPeRcAsE aNd LoWeRcAsE garbage. I'm not judging anyone, but simply stating a preference, or a pet peeve of mine if you will. You know when you find a restaurant and you love it and then EVERYONE goes there and suddenly it's too packed to enjoy, and the food starts to become mediocre and you start to find yourself hating the place for no apparent reason? That's about how I feel. I remember when my family (the Oblads and the Nelsons) used to go to St. George every 4th of July. Nobody else we knew did it, and we loved it! Pretty soon other families were joining us and it was still fun, but after a few years, other families were claiming it as their tradition, and when they'd see us there, in St. George, they'd be like "Oh, you come here too? We started this tradition a few years ago". Uh yes, we come here too. We've been coming here for 17 years. Thanks. I also remember when the Oblads and Nelsons went to Disneyland for Halloween because Nevada had the day off from school. One more thing we did waaaaaaaay back in 1979. By the mid 80's, everyone did it and we'd get the whole "oh, your family is copying our family. We've been coming here on Halloween for like 3 years". For real, Eliza and I would hear that garbage. We wanted to be like "So yeah, we know you've been coming here for 3 years, our family invited your family to come way back then". So to end this lovely rant (really, I'm saying all of this as I'm laughing, there's seriously no bitterness to it! I think it's hilarious how much it angered us back then. Now we're just like "yes! tons of people we know are here! I miss our Vegas friends and we get to see them at Disneyland!") all I'm saying is, blogging became that place where everyone was (which was super awesome) but it got diluted and competitive and fake, and I felt like I had to apologize for a "down post" or one where I wasn't all sunshine and bunnies. Basically, I felt like I couldn't be myself in my own journal.

That is the entire point of blogging folks, from the beginning. It wasn't created as a place for people to brag about how cute this is or how awesome they are or how much their cookies are better than other peoples cookies are, blogger's original platform was that they were building an "Online Journal" for people who needed it. I don't care if it's used differently, but the original purpose is now frowned upon. I just wanted to journal, and that's what I used to do. Not everything is sunshiny in your life, and not everything is rotten either. That's how journals work. I bet for all of you people who kept real journals as kids could open up to pages and see lots of times where your journal was the only place you got to tell how you really felt. Blogging isn't that anymore for me. It hasn't been ever since it became like one of those rooms where all the girls get together to compare how cute they are. So basically, my dad 7 years ago totally predicted the future. Blogging is like a chat room now.

So here's my dilemma. I am expecting my last baby. We are so thrilled you have no idea. They told us in January that there was no chance I'd carry another one and we weren't even trying and by the literal grace of God, we are getting that baby that we had just figured we'd see in another life. Anyway, I want to blog about the good, the bad, the ugly, and if I wanna say "damn it", well by jove, I'm gonna say it!

I'm wondering how you all feel. Do you feel like you can't be yourself on your blog? Be honest. Can you really say what you're feeling, or do you find that you just don't blog on those days/topics you think aren't all happy and cute? Give me some feedback on it, and if the general consensus is that I'm off my rocker and that I should just blog/journal about the wonderous things that come out of being a mother and a wife, then by golly, I'll just do that.

What I meant to say was:

Hey, I wish I could blog about myself and my real day even if it's bad! Most of my days are good, but I'd love to be able to blog about bad days too! That is all!!! Oh and once again, I am not talking about ANYONE I KNOW. So, yeah. Chee-uhl. :)

(whew! my goodness! My entire point was lost somewhere in that babbling above. I should take some classes on editing my posts into ones like the above blue part. Much less difficult to misunderstand. I hate words.)

Thanks guys.

UPDATE: I am in no way hating on anyone I know personally. Actually, I'm not hating at all. I hate those uppercase/lowercase things and that's all I hate. :) What I'm saying is that I don't care how you use your blog, talk about whatever you want! That's my point! If you wanna talk about your dog, by all means, for real, if that's "you"? Talk about your dog! For real! I'm just saying that I find that I have to "edit" what I say on my "journal". Does that seem right? I'm not judging other people's topics and posts, that's exactly what I'm saying. I don't want to be judged on my "journal". K, so now that that's clarified (I hope?)

2009-09-16T03:30:00.001-06:00

so yeah. After blogging for 7.5 years, I'm just burnt out. I see everyone else is too! Ugh. I'll start again. I promise. Right after I punch my teeth out from this toothache I have! Grrrrrrrrrrr.

So I'm Going To Blog Again For A While

2009-07-16T23:14:00.000-06:00

and not tell anyone, because I had to take a 6 month break. Whew.

So much has changed...SO MUCH. I'm a full time photographer again, which is the biggest most awesome thing ever. I am so busy I am turning people away who can't wait til October. Oh and I'm shooting 2 weddings in 2 states within 6 days of eachother in August. Oh and we're moving to Saratoga Springs! Also, Mike and I have both been walking/running every night and it feels so good.

♥ love ♥ love ♥ love ♥

{scene and heard}

2009-01-27T15:37:00.000-07:00

Me: Hello?
Her: Hey, what's up?
Me: Nothin, working from home, watching episodes of the old 90120 on mute.
Her: Which one is it?
Me: I have no idea, it's weird cuz David, Steve, Kelly and Donna are in the desert or something, but they're really young and...
Her: (totally cutting me off) PALM SPRINGS! David cancels his Magic Mountain trip! It's the one in Palm Springs.
Me: Um...let me check. Yep. Palm Springs. You're freakin sick. I'll bet a thousand dollars you're standing up punching your hand into the air...
Her: Er...I gotta go.
Me: Yeah, let me know when you get to 2009.

{cold}

2009-01-27T09:03:00.000-07:00

You guys, it's cold. 12" of snow and a power outage later...yep, still cold. Oh and did you know that the power repeatedly going off and on all night causes your computer to delete everthing including the operating system? Goodness.

Good Things Utah, Easley Edition

2009-01-25T07:35:00.000-07:00

If you're not from Utah, you won't get the reference. (Good Things Utah is a show on tv in the mornings here, which features a bunch of really thin, heavily make-up'd, jewelery adorned, boob jobbed women talking in thick Utah accents about things that are good. Kind of like Martha Stewart...Utah style)

Anyway, Mike and I are always on the lookout for things that we enjoy, things that go overlooked, things that don't make it onto the shelves of Vons or that get tons of traffic, things that are locally grown/made or imported. Mike used to drink coffee, his mom made it every morning, it was just part of life, and I will totally admit that coffee is one of my favorite flavors. While we both love it, we also have taken that "oath", and that means no coffee. A couple of years ago, while trying to find an alternative for him, I discovered Drinking Chocolates, and fell in love. While difficult to find, we still began to try different brands, most often buying them online. So the other night, while we were shopping in Sugarhouse, we found the most amazing thing... People. Honestly. Heaven in a cup. We make it with milk, but in a pinch, it can be made with water. We've even used soy milk, and it STILL tastes amazing. If you like dark chocolates, try the higher numbered additions, but we fell in love with (click!) Allegro's Organic Peruvian 68. Not too sweet, it smells just as good as it tastes, and while it is bold in it's real chocolate flavor, it's still subtle. IT's not thick, or dark, it's really light. Kind of weird because when you order hot chocolate from Starbucks or wherever, it's always thick and really syrupy sweet. This is light and nothing like that.

Anyway, we use about 2 Tbsp. for each 1 cup of hot milk, but if you want it stronger, you can use 1/2 the milk and it's almost like a chocolate espresso. You can order it online, but since it's now at Whole Foods, we can get it everytime we shop now! It retails for about $12 per box, but it lasts a loooong time. It kicks "Stephens" right square in the butt.

Another thing that I love is sugar cookies. I'm probably the most picky person when it comes to the right "recipe" and I think my sisters/cousins are the same way. I rarely find a store bought version that I like at all, as a matter of fact. Anyway, while shopping the other night, Harper grabbed a box of something he called "Princess Cookies"

and tossed them into the cart. It was 10:00 at night and I was just too dang tired to argue, so I purchased the pink, purple and white sugared hearts. We got home and unloaded our grocery bags and I popped one of these tiny cookies into my mouth and stopped in my tracks. Guys, we had to hide the box. Not because they were terrible, but because they were heartbreaking. I died. So. Effing. Good. K, so not only are they thick, but they are iced and then sprinkled with HUGE sugar granules. And the fact that they are pink and purple and white!, just makes me happy. Oh and they're organic/all natural. Sooooooooooo, I justify eating 5 of them because I pretend they're good for me. Go see all the yummy stuff they sell at the (click for the online store) online store (Gianna's!!!) or you can probably go into your Whole Foods and see if they carry them there. I bet they do! Oh and they're called Sweet Hearts. (how apropos, right?)

Now...I'm going to make myself a cup of chocolate and eat the last cookie before my people wake up and start the craziness of a typical "Sunday Morning".

Stolen from Kristen B!!!

2009-01-20T22:55:00.000-07:00

1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:00
2. Have you brushed your hair yet today? um yes, it's night time
3. What is the name of the last song you listened to? Mykonos
4. Do you like to text? oh my heavens, constantly
5. Facebook or My Space? facebook, please. Myspace is trash.
6. Where is your favorite place to go? Disneyland. Duh.
7. Do you have a passport? NO!
8. Are you in love? heck yes I am
9. Have you ever had a broken heart? I think so.
10. When was the last time you "laughed your head off"? today. Three words. Wall. Of. Cats. (see these facebook photos for explanation)
11. When was the last time you cried? This morning
12. What is the best gift you have ever gotten? my husband.
13. What was the best day of your life? 6 way tie, the days that each of my kids and Mike came into my life.
14. What was the worst day of your life? When my dad had his heart attack.
15. Pepsi or Coke? Coke baby.
16. Are you wearing socks? Never
17. Did you like high school? Nyet.
18. Where is the last place you went out to eat? The Dodo
19. What is your biggest accomplishment in the past year? hmm...I'm still working on it but, I'd have to say battling health issues.
20. What is one random fact about you? I wish I had sextuplets that look like Harper, so basically, I wish I could adopt the Gosselin babies.

K, I tag Eliza, Kj, Kim, Karisa and Rachel

{fancy hunnawear}

2009-01-10T15:03:00.000-07:00

Look who's a big boy...

He got Buzz Lightyear underwear and some Cars, Incredibles etc. ones at the store, and he wanted to put them on today, and so far so good (it's 3 pm) Potty training is kind of a commitment, one I am reluctant to make, but diapers cost forty thousand dollars a day, so...he's 2.5 years old, and it's time.

By the way, he calls them "Harper's hunnaweah". He's only 35" tall, so these underwear are about the size of a big apple. TEENY! They won't even fit on Mike's head. When he's 18, he's going to love that I showed his naked self to the internet.

{the definition of sick and tired}

2009-01-09T11:39:00.000-07:00

Sick and tired: (sik n tīrd) adj. -

when all of your kids are projectile vomiting
when the mother who usually works and takes care of sick children is also vomiting
when the mother who is vomiting also has a procedure done at the "girl" doctor to finally nip this 3 month problem in the butt (pardon the pun)

Good news! It snowed again last night! can you sense my sarcasm? It is beautiful outside, but we're freezing. Are humans supposed to live where it snows? In my world, everyone will live in San Diego.

Also, I need new running shoes, anyone have any suggestions for someone with flat/wide feet? (other than "stop talking about your gross feet")

{hey there}

2009-01-05T10:13:00.000-07:00

If you're still reading/checking, we're back. We didn't really go private, we just turned our blog off for a few months. Sometimes you just need a break from blogging, and Mike and I have been blogging since 2003. It was about time.

Anyway, we're here, semi healthy and exhausted, but we're here.

Here's a video I put together of my most memorable moments of the last year or so that are related to family. Music: Fleet Foxes - White Winter Hymnal and The Shins - Sleeping Lessons:

New Blog

2008-10-28T17:03:00.000-06:00

Things That Are Poison

fo yo safety.

Disneyland Updates for Last Week

2008-10-28T09:19:00.000-06:00

The fries wagon is gone for GOOD???!?!?! :(

...but a new (and long whispered about) ARIEL RIDE! is about to get under way!

The Orange Stinger will be a Silly Symphonies swing ride, the Maliboomer is gone...

...and a sneak peek at the already decorated Disneyland Christmas Tree!!!

- Read more here -

Oh and wanna see a cool idea for your house? I'm totally doing this next year.

One last thing, if you want to see some renderings of what the DCA makeover will be like, go

HERE

That is all.

Thought I'd Better Blog Before It Had Been A Month

2008-10-17T17:25:00.000-06:00

annnnnnnnd with a Tag. You can thank ELIZA for that.

That being said (and I'll blog again later, just not this second, try tonight, or later this afternoon, ok thanks)

THE HUSBAND

1. Where did you meet your husband? Online. Yep, said it, own it, proud of it.

2. How long did you date before you married? Crap, well that's another story, but we knew eachother for 3 years, and I desperately needed him but couldn't have him for a zillion reasons and finally, one day, the legal system worked and I was free. So "real" dating, 5 months. How's that for an answer? By the way, I love this font! Eliza, where did you get it?

3. How long have you been married? 3 years last September

4. What does he do that surprises you? Well it's more of a feeling that he induces that suprises me. I wake up every day to him smiling at me, and I feel butterflies when he calls me and when it's 30 minutes before he gets home from work every single day, I start to count the minutes. So he surprises me by proving to me what love is, and what marriage is supposed to be.

5. What is his favorite feature? I like his hands. They are always warm and soft. (ditto Liza)

6. What is his favorite quality? I love his sense of humor and that he is a hard worker and he is dedicated. To me, to our family, to the church. (um scary Liza, same as you AGAIN)

7. Does he have a nickname for you? Babe.

8. What is his favorite food? He is a lover of all food, just ask him, he has no favorite. (um Mike and Curtis are different people right? Jeez Liza, we're jinxin on all of these)

9. What is his favorite sport? Curling (click!)

10. When & where was your first kiss? In the parking lot of the Redlands Mall. I was standing on a cement parking block so I could reach him and he gave me 100 tiny little baby kisses. I know, sick but just so "him". He's a sweet-thang.

11. What is your favorite thing to do as a couple? We like to dvr our shows and watch them when the kids are in bed sitting in bed, or pick a themed country and rent 3-4 films from that country. Example, we loooooooooooove asian films, those crazy Japanese people know how to make a horror film, and the French do the best romance, and don't even get me started on Korean action. Crazy.

12. Do you have any children? 2 girls and 3 boys

13. Does he have any hidden talents? He can fall asleep in 2 minutes, snore like a grizzly, and he does the best robot in the world.

14. How old is he? 31, just turned. (hellz yeah, I robbed the cradle. Go ME!)

15. Who said I love you first? I can not remember. Stupid!

16. What is his favorite music? He loooooooves Fiona Apple, the Fiery Furnaces, Radiohead and Autechre (his most favorite, click to get an example) (I dare you to sit through all 3:55 of that song. Seriously, I dare ya. Then you can understand what I listen to when we go anywhere in his car since this cd is STUCK IN HIS CD PLAYER FOR THE LAST 4 YEARS)

17. What do you admire most about him? His quiet ability to take over when I get crazy, and his gentleness, and his patience with me, and his absolute ability to make me feel loved every single night before I go to sleep.

18. What is his favorite color? I have no idea. He is an artist, and is an artist for a living, so it changes daily.

19. Will he read this? If I tell him too.

20. Who do you tag? Rachel, Karisa, Sarah D. (and anyone who would like to.... TAG! YOU'RE IT TOO!)

{update}

2008-09-18T07:27:00.000-06:00

Mike is doing extremely well! He reads all of your well wishes, and checks in for comments to lift his spirits. The planning is going well, and I'm feeling quite helpless being here, but there have been things to keep me busy that have to do with the funeral. Mike's sister is taking this the hardest, and I totally understand, I can't even think about losing my dad. Seriously, not even THINK about it. Anyway, the kids and I are making the trip on Friday, and we won't be back until Weds or Thurs. Thanks for your support, lovely comments and friendships, it means a lot to us, and even those friends of mine out there who have shown your love to Mike even if you haven't met him, I want you to know you're appreciated more than anything. We are blessed.

And now, to lighten things up, I wanted to remind you that tomorrow is the great day I've celebrated this day since it began 6 years ago, and have watched it grow to massive proportions!

Prepare yourself, use the translator and remember to TALK LIKE A PIRATE! As one great man once said "Arrrrgh, the blood of it!" - Eric Nelson circa 1980.